Rahne
by todd fan
Summary: Complete! A parody of Disney's version of the musical Annie
1. A New York orphanage

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "We're young, rich and full of sugar, what do we do now?" "Let's go crazy, Broadway style!"

**&&&&**

And Broadway crazy we will go, with, oh yes, another re-written parody from the Todd Fan company! Only this and Wild Wild West left to update into non-script format. This time around, we're hacking up a treasured musical, Annie. This is, incidentally, the Disney version (with Kathy Bates in), just in case you were wondering, on with the show!

"This parody **still** isn't being done at Christmastime", says Pietro.

…..And you're **still** the director, so some things never change.

**&&&&**

ACT 1 - A New York orphanage

&**&&&**

As seen as certain songs make it impossible to set in Bayville, we start to move through 1930's New York. We finally zoom in on a girls annex orphanage, where Rahne is looking through the window at the falling snow sadly

"I get tae star in a parody, go me!", grins Rahne.

Suddenly, we hear the voice of our smallest orphan...

"I hate this fic already", mutters Dani, "Mama! Mommy!"

"Shut her up", snaps X23, "so I can sleep!"

"Dani, wake up and shut up!", says Wanda

"Leave Dani alone", says Jubilee, narrowing her eyes.

"You wanna make something out of it, Jubes?", growls X23, popping out her claws.

"….Do we really want a volatile Logan-clone on set?", ponders Pietro, "oh well!"

"Come on, Jubes, beat her up!", says Amara

"Get her, X23!", cheers Rogue.

Rahne sighs, getting off the windowsill and heading into the fray before an all out war breaks out between the girls. It is shown they are in a single bedroom, lined with many beds.

"Stop it!", snaps Rahne, pushing everyone off Jubilee, "Lay off Jubes! If Darkholme wakes up, she'll get sore".

That done, Rahne goes over to Dani to comfort her

"It's okay, Dani", she says, "ye were just having another nightmare"

"**There's** an irony!", chuckles Pietro.

"I'll give **you **a nightmare, Pietro!", growls Dani.

Rahne rescues Dani from the group and puts her on a bed

"The things I do for money", sighs Dani, "I want my mommy and daddy"

"Uh, Dani, we ain't got mommies and daddies", says X23, then sniffs, "I was genetically created in a lab…..I need a hug"

She gives a sob, breaking into tears as she is prone to do from time to time.

"…..Okay then", blinks Pietro, then sighs, "X, we'd appreciate it if you got on with your part, now"

"Sorry", X23 sniffs, "And we ain't never gonna have 'em. That's why we're called orphans"

Rahne growls and gives X23 a shove

"I'm **nae** an orphan!", she snaps, "My parents are alive, and they're comin' to get me someday"

"Yeah, and Rahne's got a note that proves it!", says Dani, "Will you read it to me, Rahne? Please?"

"Brother, here we go again", mutters X23, rolling her eyes.

Rahne ignores X23's comment and gets out an old, dusty paper from her dress and begins to read it to Dani

"'Please take good care of our little darling", she reads, "Her name is Rahne. She was born..."

Rahne is cut off as Wanda, Amara, Jubilee, Rogue and X23 chime in

"Was born on October 28. We will be back to get her soon. We have left half of a silver locket around her neck and kept the other half, so that when we come back for her, you will know that she's our baby!".

The others laugh at her and Rahne pushes up her sleeves, glaring at X23

"Do you wanna sleep with your teeth inside ye mouth or out?", she threatens.

X23 merely growls at her, before Rahne turns to address the others

"Now, get to sleep!", she orders, "I know these don't mean anything tae ye, but they're everything tae me. They're proof I got parents"

"Do you really think they're out there, Rahne?", asks Dani, "…not that I give a rats ass"

"Yep", nods Rahne, "And I'm gunnae meet 'em someday"

"Can you at least **try** a New York accent?", sighs Pietro.

"I'm from Scotland", says Rahne, "I'm doin' the best I can Captain!"

"…..I deserved that", sighs Pietro.

Rahne sighs, sitting down in her bed next to Dani, as seen as there are only six beds to seven girls

"Talk about bad set design", mutters Rahne.

**Maybe far away**

**Or maybe real nearby**

**He may be pouring her coffee**

**She may be straightening his tie**

**Maybe in a house**

**All hidden by a hill**

**She's sittin' playin' piano**

**He's sittin' payin' a bill**

"More than likely", nods Pietro, "if they dump their kid in a..."

"Ye a useless director, ye know that?", asks Rahne, "I did better than ye, and I was directing animals!"

"**SHAMELESS PLUG**!", screams Pietro, "and so soon, too!"

Rahne shakes her head at him, going back to trying to sing in a New York accent.

**Betcha they're young**

**Betcha they're smart**

**Bet they collect thing like ashtrays and art**

**Betcha they're good**

**Why shouldn't they be?**

**Their one mistake**

**Was giving up me**

**So maybe now it's time**

**And maybe when I wake**

**They'll be there calling me baby**

**Maybe**

She notices Dani has fallen asleep, has as everyone else. She tucks Dani in and walks among the beds, tucking everyone else in

**Betcha he reads**

**Betcha she sews**

**Maybe she's made me a closet of clothes**

**Maybe they're strict as straight as a line**

**Don't really care**

**As long as they're mine**

She sits down on the floor, looking at her paper again

**So maybe now this prayer's**

**The last one of it's kind**

**Won't you please come get your baby?**

**Maybe**

She pauses, hearing the clock chiming. She hides her locket and paper in her dress and crawls around on the floor, filling a bag full of bits and bobs, waking up X23 in the process

"Now what?", asks X23 sleepily.

"If my folks haven't found me", says Rahne determinedly, "I'm gunnae find them!"

"Again?", whines X23.

"X23, watch out for Dani!", says Rahne.

"No", replies X23, "I don't want to"

By now, they have woken up Amara

"But what if Miss Darkholme catches you?", asks Amara

"She won't", says Rahne

With that, Rahne bravely heads out of the dormitory, and out into the upper floor of the orphanage

**&&&&&&**

You may be wondering why I picked Rahne for Annie's role (if you didn't read the first time around). It's all the producers of Evo's fault! In Retreat, they mis-pronounced her name, I thought it sounded alot like 'Annie' (being' Rannie' and all), and so this is a tribute to a very funny bungle. Anyway, click onwards for more fun! 


	2. It's tough to be an orphan

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Trying is the first step towards failure"

**&&&&&**

ACT 2 - It's tough to be an orphan

**&&&&&**

Rahne is sneaking quietly down the stairs, attempting to escape. She gets as far as unlocking the door and pulling it slightly ajar before Mystique's hand slams it closed

"Boo", says Mystique, "Trying to make a break..again"

Rahne winces and turns around bending her back Mystique's way

"...What the heck are you doing?", asks Mystique, blinking.

"Aren't ye gunnae beat the tar out of me?", asks Rahne

"..If only", mutters Mystique under her breath, "I mean have I ever hit any of ya?"

"No, but ye've threatened", says Rahne, "That's worse"

"I know", says Mystique, giving a little maniacal laugh, "Kid, if you think it's bad in here, it's **lousy** out there. I'm doing you a favour by not letting you go"

She grabs Rahne's dress front and starts to drag her along

"What do you say?", she asks.

"I love ye, Miss Darkholme", mutters Rahne darkly under her breath.

"I can't hear ya!", snaps Mystique.

"**I LOVE YE, MISS DARKHOLME**!", screams Rahne, "seesh, it's nae wonder Kurt and Rogue don't like ye"

Mystique rolls her eyes and pushes Rahne forward

"Rotten orphan"

"I'm nae an orphan!", shouts Rahne, "My parents left me with a note saying they'd come back for me!"

Mystique laughs and walks with Rahne up the stairs

"That was 1922. This is 1933, you're an orphan". She and Rahne go back to the dormitory, where Mystique blows loudly on a whistle, waking everyone up, "Rise and shine! Rise and shine!"

"But it's in the middle of the night!", whines Amara, "princesses don't get up in the middle of the night"

"Don't you think I know that?", says Mystique, "Rahne here tried to run away...again. So as a little welcome home party, you're all gonna clean this dump 'till it shines like the top of the Chrysler Building!. What do you say?"

"We love you, Miss Darkholme", say the girls in unison.

"And I love you", Mystique smiles sweetly, then scowls, "Now, srub these floors. Strip them beds for the laundry man. Get to work! **NOW**!"

Mystique storms off, leaving the girls to start their work, they begin by scrubbing the floors.

"It's song time!", grins Pietro, "and this is one of the few shows Todd Fan has seen in a theatre, something she hadn't done at all when she first wrote this parody, isn't that cool?"

**It's a hard-knock life for us**

**It's a hard-knock life for us**

**_Instead of treated, _**sings Rahne

**We get tricked, **sing the girls.

_**Instead of kisses**_

**We get kicked**

**It's a hard-knock life**!

They finish srubbing and begin drying the floors with tattered rags

"…I do not like doing this", sniffs Amara.

"Shut up", snaps X23.

**Got no folks to speak of, so**

**It's the hard-knock row we hoe**

_**Cotton blankets**_

**Instead of wool**

_**Empty bellies**_

**Instead of full**

**It's a hard-knock life**

They slam their buckets done after cleaning the floor

_**Don't it feel like the wind is always howling?**_

"When you get on the loose, yeah Rahne", smirks Wanda.

**Don't it seem like there's never any light**

Amara collapses on her bed, getting pulled up by Wanda as they walk on the clean the windows

"Work..too..hard", groans Amara, "must..paint..nails"

**Once a day don't you wanna throw the towel in**

**It's easier than putting up a fight**

_**No one's there when your dreams at night get creepy**_

"My fault, sorry", says Dani.

_**No one cares if you grow or if you shrink**_

_**No one dries when your eyes get wet and weepy**_

**From the crying you would think this place would twinkle**

They scrub more of the floor again

**Empty-belly life**

**Rotten, smelly life**

**Full-of-sorrow life**

**No-tomorrow life**

"This is a foolish line", mutters Dani, "as I don't actually celebrate Christmas..."

_Santa Claus we never see_

Rahne sighs, shrugging.

_**Santa Claus**_

_**What's that, who's he?**_

**No one cares for you a smidge**

**When you're in an orphanage**

They start to surround Dani again before Rahne pushes them off

"Why do you abuse me?", asks Dani, "pick on Amara, she's an easy target!"

**It's a hard-knock life!**

Dani smirks, pushing a pillow up her top to make herself look like Mystique, no she **can't **do that with her illusions

"You're gonna clean this dump", she says in a Mystique-like-voice, "'till it shines like the top of the Chrysler Building!"

The girls grin and charge at Dani, who, wisely, runs away

"Run away!", screams Dani, "run away!"

**Yank the whiskers from her chin!**

**Jab her with a safety pin!**

**Make her drink a Mickey Finn!**

**I love you, Miss Darkholme!**

Dani, now cornered, goes back into 'Mystique mode')

"Get to work! **NOW**!", she shouts.

The girls laugh, and start to take away all the bedding on their beds, putting them into a trolley that Dani pushes along

"Strip them beds!", says Dani, "I said, get to work! Oooooh the power!"

**It's a hard-knock life for us**

**It's a hard-knock life for us**

**No one cares for you a smidge**

**When you're in an orphanage**

The girls toss Dani into the laundry trolley

"Eeeeewwww something died in here", says Dani

**It's a hard-knock life**

**It's a hard-knock life**

**It's the hard-knock life!**

**&&&&&**

Click onwards! 


	3. Lucky escape

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Trouble? I call it sport!"

**&&&&**

ACT 3 - Lucky escape

**&&&&&**

After the girls have finished their musical number, Mystique charges in, blowing her whistle loudly. The girls all freeze, then Mystique smiles sweetly

"Good morning, children", she says, in a rather frightening voice.

"Good morning, Miss Darkholme", chant the girls

"Good morning, Miss Darkholme", says Dani, her voice muffled by the bed linen.

"What the heck!", Mystique walks over to the trolley, pulling Dani up, "What are you doing in there?"

"Not getting clean, that's for sure", says Dani, "peewww-ee!"

"Your days are numbered", says Mystique, narrowing her eyes, "Get her out of there"

The girls help Dani out, just then, an overly-happy Forge walks in, carrying a load of fresh linen

"An IQ of over three hundred and what am I?", asks Forge, "A laundry man"

"….Is there something wrong with being a laundry person?", asks Pietro, "I must remind you, this is what Todd Fan does as a job…she may smite you"

"…..You have a point", Forge frowns, "I don't want to be smote"

"Then be a happy, jolly man!", grins Pietro.

Forge gives Pietro a look of death, before sighing and putting on a happy face

"Mornin' kids!".

"Mornin', Mr Bundles!", grins the girls.

"...", says Forge.

"I warned you she'd smite you", says Pietro, "Carry on (snort) Mr Bundles"

"Todd Fan's going down for that one...just wait and see", mutters Forge, "Morning, Miss Ravey!"

Mystique merely glares at Forge while the girls gather around him.

"Okay, kids", he says, "clean sheets once a month whether you need them or not"

"Thank you, Mr Bundles!", say the girls.

"Stop speaking in unison", says Forge, "...it's scary"

Mystique blows on her whistles and the girls form a straight line, as they take a sheet each one at a time

"Oh, Miss Ravey, I live for laundry day at your fine establishment", he says.

"Bundles, you're full of applesauce", says Mystique, then blinks, mouthing 'applesauce?'

"...Applesauce?", asks Forge.

"It's the nineteen thirties", says Pietro, "gimmie a break!"

The girls gather around the trolley again, Mystique not noticing a very suspicious like Rahne sneak into the trolley behind them, as Forge pulls out a fake flower from his pocket.

"Oh, Miss Ravey", he says, "won't you let me even take you out of an ice cream 'soadee'?".

"...Is this how you talk to **all** women?", asks Mystique, arching a brow.

"No, but none of my pick-up lines are PG rated", grins Forge

"**Too much **information!", screams Pietro.

"No", says Mystique.

"...Blunt, aren't ya?", says Forge, "How come?"

"'Cause I'm saving myself for Warren Worthington", says Mystique

Forge blinks at her, then gives a snort.

"**SHADUP**!", she screams, "Now get the lousy laundry. Get the heck outta here".

Forge sighs, heading off to the trolley and pushing it along

"Oh, very well. So long, fair Ravey. And Merry Christmas to all", Forge pauses, "...even if I don't actually.."

"We had this argument with Dani already", says Pietro, "just push the trolley and you don't have to act again"

"Woooot!", grins Forge.

Forge happily heads out of the orphanage, so he can spend the rest of the parody somewhere nice, not **in** the parody.

"Bye, Mr Bundles", call the girls.

"Miss Darkholme, may we **please** have our breakfast **now**?", asks Rogue, "wait, she's my mother and running the orphanage I'm in"…that's not right…"

"No. You **may** have it later", says Mystique, ignoring the girls' moans, "There's a rush order of dresses you gotta finish. You'll eat after you're done with your sewing machines. That is.. **if** you've done a good job"

Mystique blows a whistle, as she walks down the line of girls

"Roll call!"

"I love you, Miss Darkholme", says X23

"I love you, Miss Darkholme", say Rogue, "not"

"I love you, Miss Darkholme", says Wanda

"I love you, Miss Darkholme", says Amara.

"I love you, Miss Darkholme", says Dani.

"I love you, Miss Darkholme", says Jubilee.

Mystique turns her head to look where Rahne would normally be, only to find no one there

"Rahne!", she calls, "Get your little orphan self out here!"

The girls grin to themselves in Mystique's peril

"Miss Darkholme, Rahne ain't here", grins Wanda

"Really?", asks Mystique, "Where is she?"

"Mr Bundles rolled her out with the dirty laundry", grins Rogue with unhidden glee.

"**WHAT**!", screams Mystique, "I could lose my license!"

Mystique runs out of the orphanage

"Bundles, come back here!

The girls laugh, running to the window to look as Mystique runs after Forge's departing laundry truck

"Stop that truck! Come back, Bundles", she shouts, "Come back! Somebody help me!"

The girls laugh more as a little terrier chases after Mystique

"Yeah, Rahne made it!", cheers Dani

**Lucky kid she's out there free, **sings Wanda

**Runnin' free in N.Y.C, **sings X23

**Bet she find her folks like that**, sings Rogue

**Mom and Dad right off the bat**, sings Jubilee

The girls begin to have a pillow fight

**No more hard-knock life**

**No more hard-knock life**

**No more hard-knock life**

**&&&&&&**

Onwards, ho! 


	4. Of dogs and corncobs

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I may be a figment of your imagination, but I'm still freezing my ass off!"

**&&&&**

ACT 4 - Of dogs and corncobs

**&&&&&**

We enter a New York street, where snow is falling heavily all around. Rahne walks around, freezing as she stops strangers on the street

"Excuse me, I'm looking for my parents", asks Rahne, "Pardon me, do you know anybody who kinda looks like me?"

No one pays her a hint of notice

"I feel like I'm selling double glazing", mutters Rahne

She looks up, seeing Evan selling corn on the cob, hot...yeah, maybe it's an American thing, and goes up to him

"Gee, it smells great", she says.

"Tastes better", says Evan with a 'you're not having any for free' smirk.

He smiles as Sam comes to pay for a corncob

"Ahhh corn", smiles Sam, "if a'h were at home, ma'h Momma would..."

"Nobody cares", says Pietro.

"...A'h care", says Sam, hurt.

"I care Sam", says Rahne, patting his arm.

"Get off him!", snaps Pietro, "you're not allowed any Sam love in this parody, so there!"

"Grrrrr", growls Rahne, then sighs, "Wish I had a nickel"

"Wish I had a nickel for every time someone said 'wish I had a nickel'", says Evan

"**That** makes sense", Pietro snorts, "loser!"

"Hey, my scene is over soon and then it's relaxing backstage", grins Evan, "you're stuck until the end, **MR** Director"

"..Awww...darn!", sighs Pietro.

As he pays for his corn, Sam drops his nickel, as Evan stoops to pick it up,. Rahne **STEALS** a corn cob, and runs off through the street with it

"I feel so cold and dirty!", says Rahne

She eventually hides behind a bunch of boxes, and moves to eat her prize, before noticing Lucid and Facade getting some dogs out of a dog catchers van)

"Don't you even think about.", Lucids eyes widen, " ..**OW**! Biting me"

"My brethren!", gasps Rahne

"Not in this parody!", says Pietro.

They pack up their van and head off. While Rahne is watching this, she doesn't notice a little brown, recently transformed, dog sneak behind her.

"Why me?", asks Lance with a sigh, "I've only just changed form being a Doberman, and I'm still stuck in that panto horse suit in the other parody"

"**TWO SHAMLESS PLUGS**!", screams Pietro, "Because you wanted a big role, you got one, Scrappy Doo"

"Don't think I won't bite you", mutters Lance

"It's lucky Forge kept his animal transformer gizmo", Pietro smiles, "Isn't it?"

"I'll bite him too", mutters Lance.

Lance sneaks up, stealing the corn cob out of Rahne's pocket

"Hey, come back! That's mine!", she sighs, noticing Lance has snuck off, "Oh, go on, eat up"

Lance returns and drops the corncob in her lap

"It tastes of feet", he says.

"No talking!", snaps Pietro.

"What's wrong?", asks Rahne, "Are they chasing after you 'cause you're looking for your mom and dad too?"

"I miss my mom and dad", Lance gives a sniff.

"Achem", says Pietro.

"Woof", says Lance, dryly.

"Don't worry, it's gonna be okay", says Rahne, "Sometimes it seems the only thing you've got is trouble. But things'll get better. They just gotta"

"Cue world famous song that everyone reading will sing along to!", shouts Pietro.

**The sun'll come out tomorrow**

**Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow**

**There'll be sun**

**Just thinkin' about tomorrow**

**Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow**

**'Till there's none**

**When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely**

**I just stick out my chin and grin and sayyyyyyyyy**

**Oooooooohhhh**

Rahne coughs, clearing her throat

"Sorry, this wee lass has some **very** high notes", she says.

**The sun'll come out tomorrow**

**So you gotta hang on till tomorrow**

**Come what may**

**_I will love you, until my dying daaaayyyy!_**, sings Lance

"Wrong movie...idiot", mutters Pietro.

**Tomorrow tomorrow**

**I'll love ye tomorrow**

**You're always a day away**

Suddenly, she is stopped by Logan, in a policeman's costume.

"Heh", says Pietro.

"Hey, you!", snaps Logan.

Rahne ushers Lance forward

"Every dog for himself", says Rahne

"I said, hey you!", growls Logan

"Yes, Sir?", asks Rahne, trying not to laugh at Logan's silly outfit.

"Not you.", says Logan, "The you with the four legs. Freeze!"

"Loopy, loopy man", mutters Lance, freezing from where he was running)

"What's the problem, Sir?", asks Rahne

"This mutt keeps giving the dog catcher the slip", says Logan, "I can finally turn him in. Yeah, the police really take crime seriously here, don't they?"

"You'll never take me alive!", cries Lance, "...Where's a Billabong when you need it?"

"...Och ye don't have to turn him in...Officer", says Rahne, "See, he's **my **dog".

"Really?", asks Logan, "Well, how come I seen him around and not you?"

"Errr, me?", asks Rahne, "Well, I don't get out much"

"Uh huh", blinks Logan, "Well, what's your dogs' name?"

"Name?", Rahne gives a nervous laugh, "Oh, that's easy. I call him..."

Rahne take a look at where Lance is sitting

"Please not Princess, please not Princess", chants Lance.

"..Sandy!", says Rahne suddenly, "Yeah, Sandy, that's right. Sandy, 'cause his fur's a nice, sandy colour".

"...Sandy?", Lance growls, "Wait, everyone else gets their names changed but me!"

"Quit whining", says Pietro.

"Sandy, huh?", asks Logan, "Well, why don't you call him?"

"..Call him?", blinks Rahne

"Yeah. By his name", Logan smirks, "...Sandy"

"I'll come and get you too!", growls Lance.

"Gee, I would. Only sometimes Sandy forgets his name is Sandy", says Rahne.

"That's because 'Sandy's' name is Lance", mutters Lance.

"Just call your dog", snaps Logan.

Rahne sighs taking a deep breath and facing Lance

"Sandy. Here, Sandy", she calls.

Lance doesn't move

"I'm not paid enough", he says.

"Come on, boy!", pleads Rahne

"And here comes another feel good moment", calls Pietro, "cue corny music!"

Lance rolls his eyes at Pietro before running up the Rahne, who gives him a hug

"Thatta boy", she says, "Good Sandy"

"All right, then. Next time I see you, Sandy better have a leash and license", says Logan, "Otherwise he goes to the pound for an eternal sleep"

"Why do I feel that isn't as happy as it sounds?", blinks Lance.

"Yes, Sir", says Rahne

"Now get home before you catch pneumonia in this cold", says Logan.

"Och, it doesn't bother me", smiles Rahne.

Rahne and Lance happily walk on their way through the streets

**When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely**

**I just stick out my chin and grin and saaaaaayyyyyyyyyy**

**Ooooooohhhhhh**

**The sun'll come out tomorrow**

**So you gotta hang on till tomorrow**

**Come what may**

**Tomorrow, tomorrow**

**I love ye, tomorrow**

**You're always a day away**

**Tomorrow, tomorrow**

**I love ye, tomorrow**

**You're always **

**A dayyyyyyy**

**Awaaaaaayyyyyyy**

**&&&&&**

One last time, click ahead! 


	5. Mystique needs a new job

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "We're going to heaven, you can't take it with you, you know" "The heck I can't!"

**&&&&&&**

ACT 5 - Mystique needs a new job

**&&&&&&&**

Rahne is walking along the streets, shivering with cold, Lance padding along beside her. She stops when she sees Logan and Sabertooth looking around, obviously searching for someone. She panics and heads off into a crowd of Morlocks, who are warming themselves with burning bins

"Why didn't we think of getting marshmallows?", mutters Callisto.

"We're not here, okay?", asks Rahne, hiding in a pile of rubbish behind them.

"...That wassss odd", blinks Caliban

Logan and Sabertooth see the Molocks and walk over

"Hey, down there!", shouts Sabertooth, looking more ridiculous in his uniform than Logan, "You know the law, no loitering"

"That's the second time the word 'loitering' has appeared in a Todd Fan parody", says Pietro.

"We 'aint loitering, Officer", says Caliban, "We're holding a meeting"

"Yeah, for the Millionaires' Club", smirks Callisto.

Sabertooth and Logan growl as the Morlocks laugh at this joke, stopping when Logan pops out his claws

"Yeah, well, I suggest you move it to your Park Avenue address, or else I'll have you arrested for trespassing", he threatens.

"Let's be good citizens and move along", says Sabertooth, "Let's go. Come on, everybody let's go"

"..Are you even vaguely aware ya sound like one of those home video exercise coaches?", asks Logan, blinking.

"Shadup", mutters Sabertooth.

The Morlocks grumble as they are moved on by the cops. Rahne tries to sneak off into the crowd of Morlocks with Lance, but is spotted by Logan

"Hey, you!", snaps Logan, "Where's the leash and license?"

"Run for it, Sandy!", shouts Rahne.

She and Lance 'run for it', she going in one direction, him in another. Lance runs right in-between Sabertooth and Logan, making the pair run into each other

"Great, we're like a bad comedy act", growls Sabertooth.

"Hey, Flatfoot, bet ye cannae catch me!", calls Rahne

"You take the mutt", says Logan, "I'll take the kid"

"Awww, you always get the fun chase", mutters Sabertooth, "…I hate dogs"

Sabertooth sighs and heads off after Lance, while Logan runs after Rahne

"Hey, you, short stuff! Hold up!", shouts Logan

"Look who's talking", laughs Rahne

Logan chases Rahne over and under alleyways, until she ducks under a stairwell, Logan runs past, then stops as she runs out of the stairwell, going back after her. Logan continues to chase her, then finds he can't see her, as he runs across the road, Rahne peeks her head out of a coat on a rack, and heads out, Logan sees this and manages to cut her off at a corner, so she runs right into him. The scene immediately cuts to her being hugged by Mystique.

"I was worried sick, Officer!", gasps Mystique, "Oh you poor little thing. I hope you didn't catch cold out there I don't know whatever I'd do without ya"

"Scrub the floors yeself?", says Rahne snidely.

Mystique gives her a 'sweet' smile and puts her behind her back as she talks to Logan

"Of all my little girls, Rahne here is my favourite", she says, "Thanks for bringing her back"

"Well, seein' as she means that much to you, ma'am, I guess I don't mind that I spent the whole night chasing after her", says Logan, "…and got cold"

"Well, if there's anything I can do to repay you, Officer...", says Mystique with a smile.

"Well.. actually, there is", says Logan

"It better not be anything illegal", says Mystique, narrowing her eyes.

"Hah,. like that bothers you", says Logan, "Well, actually there is. There was this mangy mutt with her that got away. He comes sniffing around, give a holler and he's off to the pound"

"Oh yes, Sir. You can count on me, Sir. For anything", smiles Mystique, "Ta-ta"

With an almost grimace, she shoves Rahne inside and slams the door shut, the other girls run from where they were gathered by the windows

"All right, the show's over!", snaps Mystique, "Back to your rooms!"

The girls run off and Mystique tweaks Rahne by the ear

"And you! If the Board of Orphans finds out about this, they'll start nosin' around here and I could lose my job", she snaps, pushing Rahne into her office.

"But I thought ye hated ye job", says Rahne

"Oh no, I love my job", says Mystique, "It's the **kids** I hate!"

"..Kinda a catch 22 isn't it?", blinks Pietro.

"You wait here", growls Mystique, "I'm going to cook up your punishment. And it's gonna be a doozy!"

As Mystique slams the door, she is greeted by Amara

"Miss Darkholme, Miss Darkholme!", she cries, "We saw a mouse! A mouse!"

"Do I look like the exterminator?", mutters Mystique.

"There it is, up there!", says Rogue, pointing up to the ceiling

"No, it's there!", says Wanda grabbing Mystique and pointing at the stairs

"No, I tell ya, it's there!", says X23 pointing at the ceiling, making Mystique look up, X23 takes the opportunity to stomp down on Mystiques foot.

"..Adamantium...laced..foot", gasps Mystique as the girls laugh at her, "Out of my sight! All of ya! **SCRAM**!"

The girls laugh hysterically, running up the stairs. Mystique goes to open the door to her bedroom, only to have Dani pop out

"Boo!", says Dani

The girls laugh more as Mystique jump. Mystique growls, dragging Dani out and tossing her into the hallway. Once she is alone, Mystique bangs her head against the door, beginning to sing..

**Little girls, little girls**

**Everywhere I turn**

**I can see them**

"...You should have that checked by a specialist", nods Pietro wisely.

**Little girls, little girls**

**Night and day**

**I eat, sleep and**

Mystique walks over to a lump on her bed, throwing the sheet aside to see it's a bunch of pillows

**Breath them**

**I'm an ordinary woman**

"A blue one", points out Pietro, "..not really ordinary"

**With feelings**

**I like a man to nibble on my ear**

"Too much information!", cries Pietro.

**But I'll admit**

**No man has bit**

"Actually, in the second act, Forge...", starts Pietro, only to have Mystique drown him out with her singing.

**So how come**

**I'm the Mother of the Year?**

"I doubt Kurt and Rogue would call you that", says Pietro.

**Little cheeks, little teeth**

**Everything around me is**

**Little**

Mystique sighs, sitting on her chair, and begins to wring the neck of a doll

**If I wring little necks**

**Surely I would get an acquittal**

She sighs, running over to her mirror, which has socks draping from it

**Some women are dripping with diamonds**

**Some women are dripping with pearls**

**Lucky me, lucky me**

**Look at what I'm dripping with**

**Little girls**

She pulls the socks off ehr mirror and tosses them over her shoulders. In the background, we can hear the girls arguing

"Wanda, you cheated!", shouts Amara

"Did not!", shouts Wanda

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Too! Too-o-o!"

"Not! No-o-o-t!"

"Shut u-u-up!", screams Mystique.

Mystique collapses on her bed and throws the covers over her face, them pulls back, finding one of Danielle's moccasins in the bed

**How I hate little shoes, little socks**

**And each little bloomer**

**I'd have cracked years ago**

**If it weren't for my sense of humour**

She tosses the moccasin out of the door, and we hear an 'ow' from someone. Mystique slams her door shut again and does a little dance.

**Someday I'll step on their freckles**

She grabs some stocking and straightens them out

**Some night I'll straighten their curls**

She holds her hands in a prayer, looking to the ceiling

**Send the flood, send the flu**

**Anything that you can do to**

**Little girls**

She sits down on her ottoman, covering herself with laundry

**Someday I'll land in the nuthouse**

**With all the nuts and the squirrels**

**There I'll stay, tucked away**

**'Till the prohibition of**

She pauses, pulling up a half-eaten lollypop

**Liiiiiiitle**

**Giiiiiirrrrrlllllls**

She closes herself into her walk-in wardrobe

"..Mystique, you haven't gone off the deep end have you?", Pietro pauses, "….Mystique?"

……

"…..Can someone get her out of there?", asks Pietro.

&&&&&

And there we go wow 5 acts up! I'm determined to get at least all but the Wild Wild West parody (and possibly Knights Tale) done before I got back to uni next month, so I don't have too many projects looming scarily over me. Boo. Do review. Until next time…


	6. An invitation

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Stop eating my sesame cake!"

**&&&&**

ACT 6 - An invitation

**&&&&**

Rahne is sitting bored in Mystique's office when the woman in question walks back in

"Okay, Missy", says Mystique, "I don't want you ever to do this again, so you're gonna scrub every inch of this dump...with this"

She produces an old toothbrush

"I could do it, but I'm super fast, not that I would", Pietro gives a sniff, "...my delicate hands don't do cleaning"

"Glad you're back?", smiles Mystique.

"Yes, Miss Darkholme", says Rahne with a sigh.

Rahne reaches of the toothbrush and Mystique pulls it back

"Liar!", she says, "What have I always taught you?"

"Always say 'no'?", tries Rahne

"On track, people!", snaps Pietro.

"Never tell a lie", sighs Rahne.

"That's right", smiles Mystique

"Pot, kettle, black", smirks Pietro.

Suddenly, there is a knock on the door, and Storm walks in, carrying a small file folder.

"...Oh joy, a billionaire's assistant", mutters Storm, "all because of **one** copy of Ultimate X-Men, that doesn't even matter anymore"

"Yup, gotta love the way Todd Fan's mind works", says Pietro, "plus the Loro in it made her cry. She's hoping now you've adopted Forge's punk look, you'll have a Romeo and Juliet thing"

"The woman's obsessed!", cries Storm.

"I don't mind", shrugs Forge, "I only get two women ever, anyway"

"Excuse me", says Storm, "I was told I'd find a Miss Darkholme here?"

"And who might you be?", asks Mystique.

"I'm Ororo Munroe", says Storm with a pleasant smile, "The City Board of Orphans said..."

Storm goes over to take Mystique's hand, but at the mention of 'Board of Orphans' Mystique panics

"Look, it was all a mistake", she cries, "Somehow, Rahne got in the laundry basket. And..well, one thing led to another, and I had to call the cops. Please don't fire me!"

Storm blinks a few times

"I think you must have me confused with someobody else", she says pointedly.

Mystique arches a brow, before realisation dawns, she gives a scoff

"Oh, I get it", says Mystique, "Uh, listen, honey, if you're peddlin' beauty products, I don't need any"

"Considering you're a shapeshifter", says Storm, "I find that believeable..."

"**BRING IT ON**!", screams Mystique.

"Ladies", says Pietro.

"Nah, let 'em fight", says Forge, grabbing a bucket of popcorn.

Mystique walks over, opening the door to show Storm out

"Miss Darkholme, I do not 'peddle' anything", sniffs Storm, "I'm personal secretary to Mr. Warren Worthington".

Mystique's. Jaw. Drops. She closes the door

"**The** Warren Worthington?", she asks

"Yes", smirks Storm

"The richest man in the world?", asks Mystique

"Tee hee", says Warren, from backstage.

"Yes", sighs Storm, "The Board of Orphans sent me here to extend Mr Worthington's personal invitation to an orphan to spend the holidays in his home"

"I'm an orphan!", grins Mystique, "I can be ready in five minutes"

0.O, says Warren.

"An orphan **child**", says Storm, sitting at Mystique's desk and smiling at Rahne, "Perhaps a child like this one"

"Great idea", says Rahne, ". I'm a child **and** I'm an orph..."

Mystique suddenly drags Rahne to her side

"A liar!", she shouts, "Rahne 'aint no orphan. She's my little girl and she's nothing but trouble"

"...There's not much of a resemblance...", frowns Storm, "That seems hard to believe"

"Look, you can have any orphan in the join", pleads Mystique, "only you can't have Rahne"

"If this has something to do with the laundry or the police", says Storm, "perhaps the Board of Orphans should know..."

Mystique stares at her before sighing, letting Rahne go.

"She's all yours", she snaps, "Merry Christmas"

"Good", Storm passes over some papers to sign, which she does grudgingly, "If you'll just sign the paperwork and get Rahne's coat".

"Coat?", asks Mystique, "Why would a kid need a coat?"

"Not all children are born with fur, you know", says Storm pointedly, "We'll buy you one at Bergdorf's on the way uptown"

"Really?", asks Rahne, wide-eyed,

"Yeah", smiles Storm, "I like to splash around with money that isn't mine"

"Bergdorf's?", asks Mystique, "Well, 'aint we fancy?"

Storm and Rahne leave Mystique's office, walking into the girls who, once again, have been eavesdropping

"You'll never guess what happened!", grins Rahne, "I get to go away for Christmas!"

The girls cheer

"Bye Rahne! Bye!"

The girls run ahead to wave Rahne off, as Mystique groans, leaning on the doorway of her office

**Some women are drippin' with diamonds**

**Some women are drippin' with pearls**

**Lucky me, lucky me**

**Look at what I'm drippin' with**

**Liiiiiiiittttllllllee**

**Giiiiirrrrlllss!**

She **SLAMS** the door to her office.

**&&&&&**

Click on! 


	7. Welcome to Worthington manor

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Okay, okay, look. The cross-dressing thing: in the past: funny, today: disturbing"

**&&&&&&**

ACT 7 - Welcome to Worthington manor

**&&&&&&**

The car Rahne and Storm are in drive up to Warren's mansion. The gates have big W's on them, which are opened as the car drives through, parking in the driveway. We cut to an interior, where the staff are busy going about their work.. spookily graceful and in synch. Storm and Rahne walk in.

"Gee, it's really big", says Rahne, amazed.

"Must be over compensating for something", snorts Pietro.(1)

"Die", hisses Warren from backstage.

"Everybody!", calls Storm, making the staff stop, "Everybody, this is our Christmas guest, Rahne. Rahne, this is...everybody"

"Hello...everybody", giggles Rahne

The staff laugh and all go back to their work. Storm goes over to Bobby, who is in a butler's outfit

"It's 'cause the butler's name is 'Drake', isn't it?", asks Bobby.

"Yup", grins Pietro, "you look spiffy, by the way"

"Did Mr Worthington's plane arrive yet?", asks Storm.

"...Why he **needs** one is beyond me", sighs Pietro.

"He called from Teeterboro, his airplane's been delayed, but he's on his way", Bobby takes Storm's coat, then turns to Rahne, "May I take your coat, miss?"

"After your coat stealing obsession, Mr Drake?", asks Rahne, "I think nae!"

"Lines, you stupid lycanthrope", says Pietro.

"Will I get it back?", asks Rahne guardedly.

"Of course you will, Honey", says Storm, rolling her eyes.

Bobby takes her coat while Storm continues to talk to her

"Now tell me, what would you like to do first?"

Rahne looks around in thought, before nodding and rolling up her sleeves

"The floors", she nods, "I'll scrub them and then I'll do...the windows!"

"No, Rahne, Rahne!", says Storm, making her stop, "You're Mr. Worthington's guest. You're here to have fun"

"Really?", asks Rahne.

"Really", nods Storm, "Now, we've ordered in special things, just for you. Mr. Worthington's instructed me to make sure that for the next two weeks, you have a swell time here"

"Now, I'm afraid that because we are now low on female characters, some female places will be taken by the guys", says Pietro, then giggles, "But this is theatre, so it doesn't matter!"

Suddenly, Kelly comes behind Rahne, in a lovely little maids outfit, taking measurements

"Why?", sobs Kelly as Storm sings, "Why do you torture me!"

**Kelly will pick out all your clothes**

"Ewwwwww", says Rahne, "You mean I get to wear new things?"

Storm smiles and nods as Piotr walks past in a maids outfit, carrying a tray filled with bath slats and bubble bath.

"Man, the disclaimer quote is right", says Pietro, "that **IS** disturbing"

"I am not being paid enough for this", sighs Piotr.

**Your bath is drawn by Piotr**

"Really?", asks Rahne with a shudder, "A bath? For me?"

Remy slouches past, frowning in his maid costume, carrying bunch of pillows

"Dance, Remy, dance!", giggles Pietro.

"..So humiliated", sighs Remy.

**Gambit comes in to make your bed**

"I get my own bed too?", Rahne pauses, "does Gambit stay **in** it?"

Storm takes a pillow from one of our unimportant background people following maid Remy, and tosses the pillow to Rahne, in a desperate attempt to escape, as Rahne sings.

_**I think I'm gunnae like it here**_

"Bring on the robotic dancers!", shouts Pietro, "a new edition to this version of the parody!"

Forge sighs, wheeling in dozens of male and female robots, dressed as maids and manservants.

"You sure they'll work?", asks Pietro, "they won't try to kill anyone, will they?"

"I'm 98 percent sure they'll work", smiles Forge.

"What happens with the remaining 2 percent?", asks Pietro.

"They…err", Forge coughs, "blow up"

"….." Pietro blinks, "I'll really miss that other 2 percent"

Forge turns them on, one of the robotic dancers takes the pillow off her. Storm shows Rahne around the lobby as the staff go about their business, moving stuff around with that scary grace and timing.

**The swimming pool is to the left**

"A pool? Inside?", asks Rahne.

**The tennis court is in the rear**

"Aww, gee, I dunna'e know how to play", sighs Rahne

Storm stops Alex on the way, as he carries tennis rackets, taking a ball from him

**Have an instructor here by noon**

Alex nods and walks off

"At least I'm a dude", says Alex.

"You'll be playing like a pro in no time", says Storm with a grin.

She tosses the ball to Rhane, who catches it

_**I think I'm gunnae like it here**_

She takes a scooter off an unimportant dancer and skates around the room with it. The scene changes to Rahne riding on a trolley being pushed by the staff, Storm walking beside her

**When you wake, ring for Drake**

**Drake will bring your tray**

Bobby deposits a breakfast tray in front of Rahne

**When you're through Roberto**

**Come to take it away**

Roberto mutters, stomping on stage in a maid costume, taking away the tray. After that, the robotic dancers, both male and female dance around with trays in an impressive manner

"Dance my robotic minions, dance!", cackles Forge

A cuddly dog drops on the floor, Rahne runs to pick it up, only to have Storm stop her

**No need to pick up any toys**

Todd, in a maid outfit, walks past and hands Rahne her dog, before scowling at Pietro and walking off

"The kids'll never believe this", says Rahne, "I need photographic evidence of the guys in drag"

**No finger will you lift, my dear**

Sam and Ray, each carrying a broom, use them to lift Rahne up, the staff all form steps with themselves and/or equipment, letting Rahne use it to walk all the way up, using Bobby and Storm for balance, to sit on a big trolley, the staff singing with Storm.

**We have but one request**

**Please put us to the test**

_**I know I'm gunnae like it here**_

The robotic dancers do more of their dancing, grinning manically.

"….Do they have to grin like that?", asks Pietro.

"I thought it gave them more characterisation", shrugs Forge.

We shift to Rahne's own room, as she's dressed in a lovely blue dress

_**Used to room in a tomb**_

_**Where I'd sit and freeze**_

_**Get me now**_

_**Holy cow**_

_**Could someone **_

_**Pinch**_

_**Me **_

_**Please**_

She jumps on her bed and is covered by the pillows, which she scrambles out of. We cut back to the foyer, where she slides down the banister to Storm, who catches her and swings her in her arms.

**We never had a little girl**

_We never had a little girl_, sing the staff.

Storm puts Rahne down, who gives a bow

_**I'm very glad to volunteer**_

As Rahne walks past, the staff all step aside for her

**We hope you understand**

**Your wish is our command**

They all sing in unison.

_**We/I know you're/I'm gonna/gunnae**_

_**Like it here**_

The staff all dances around her a bit more, and Rahne runs off...into nothing

"...Warren, get out here..**NOW**!", screams Pietro.

"No", says Warren, "why can't it be Xavier!"

"Look, Todd Fan already **has** a role for Xavier, plus the whole Warbucks and Storm dynamic just wouldn't work", Pietro pauses, "...Storm said she'd prefer you".

"Who wouldn't?", grins Storm, "Roooowfff!"

"...Heeeey", blinks Forge, looking like a kicked puppy.

"I mean...errr", Storm coughs, "...he's not as creepy as Xavier"

"What?", blinks Xavier.

"...I'm just digging myself deeper here, aren't I?", sighs Storm.

Pietro shoves a now bald, with the exception of the wings, Warren onto the set, for Rahne to run into

"I hope you laugh at this, Todd Fan", he says, "when you're **BURNING IN HELL**!".

"Line!", shouts Pietro.

"Who're you?", sighs Warren.

"I'm Rahne", smiles Rahne., giving a sweet smile.

"And cut!", shouts Pietro.

"Thank Gods, this dress is killing me!", says Roberto.

"Be thinking yourself lucky you are not **MY** size in a dress", says Piotr.

"Gambit gonna need to talk to Oprah after dis", says Remy, twitching.

**&&&&&&**

(1) – Shrek, anyone?

Clickety click, lickety split! 


	8. Getting to know ye

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Me, I didn't mean anything. About anything, to anyone. And I knew that guaranteed me a long, depression-free life"

**&&&&**

ACT 8 - Getting to know ye

**&&&&**

Their boss home, the staff bustle about their business, as servants take away his bags, Bobby take his coat, and Storm does.. assistant things

"Yeah, Baby!", grins Warren

"I will not tolerate that talk!", growls Storm

"...Sorry..the no hair on my head thing is making my brain go", Warren waggles a hand, "...errr mushy".

"Yes, and it was hard enough to **get** you bald", snaps Pietro, "you flew away every time we came near you with a razor"

"Wouldn't you?", asks Warren, "Oh wait, you can't fly. Haa-haaa!"

"Warren", says Pietro slowly, "..we drugged you and got you in your sleep".

"Oh", Warren's wings droop, "..yes".

"Welcome home, Mr Worthington", smiles Storm, "How was your trip?"

Seemingly to have forgotten Rahne's presence, Warren starts to head to his office

"Don't ask me about my trip. It was a nightmare. My factories are shutting down right and left. It's bad, very bad. I'll be in my study", he says, "Roberto, bring me a sandwich"

"Bring your own damn sandwich", snorts Roberto, "I'm as rich as you are wing-boy!"

"Roberto, if you haven't noticed the dress, you are a maid", says Pietro pointedly, "now go make a sandwich".

"I hate this fic", growls Roberto, "I was better off as the Chihuahua"

"**SHAMLESS PLUG**!", screams Pietro..

"…That's getting annoying", says Rahne.

Roberto storms off, as Storm gives Warren a message

"President Xavier phoned", she says, "He's awaiting your call at the White House"

"President Xavier", giggled Xavier backstage, "has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Fine", Warren pauses, finally noticing Rahne again, "..What did you say your name was?"

"Rahne, sir", smiles Rahne

Warren looks at Storm confused, then blinks a few times

"Is there any particular reason why you're here?", he asks.

Storm speaks in that 'we've already been though this' voice

"With all the negative press you're been receiving, sir"

"Oh...yes", Warren clears his throat, "...right"

"Rahne is the orphan you invited for Christmas", smiles Storm

Warren looks at Rahne again

"You're a girl", he says, "Orphans are boys"

"...I'm an orphan", says Storm, "sexist pig"

"I was reading from my lines!", says Warren, "…please don't hit me with lightning, Forge says it really, really hurts"

"You didn't specify boy, sir", says Storm icily.

"Awww, gee, Mr. Worthington, sir, that's okay. You can trade me in for a boy", says Rahne, sighing and heading for the door, "I really liked seeing your house. It sure is big".

Storm gives Warren a 'WELL!' look. Warren sighs and goes after her

"She's very good at those looks", says Warren, blinking

"Don't I know it", says Forge

"You go back to working the robots!", snaps Storm.

"…..Yes, Dear", sighs Forge, slinking off.

"Rahne, I couldn't be more delighted that you'll be spending Christmas here with me in my", Warren blinks, "...big house".

Rahne grins, mission accomplished, Warren blinks at her as she smiles sweetly, and leans in by Storm

"What are we supposed to do with her?", he whispers.

"Well, it is Rahne's first night here", says Storm, "so..."

"Then come to my club for dinner and cigars", nods Warren

"Sir, your club is for men only", says Storm, "_sexist pig_"

"And I dunnae smoke!", say Rahne.

"..I see", Warren pauses in thought, "Then how about a brandy?"

"Promise me you'll never produce offspring, Warren", says Storm, "How about a Broadway show?"

"Gee, I've never been to one of those before!", says Rahne

"Then you'll attend a Broadway show", nods Warren, "..with Ororo".

Warren heads into his study, being followed close behind by a not-too-happy Storm, dragging Rahne behind her. Warren looks at the letters on his desk, then blinks as Rahne is shoved in front of him

"I thought you were going out", he says

"Oh..yes, well, see, Mr. Worthington", nods Rahne, "I've never met anybody with a real job, except Mr Bundles"

"Yeah, laundry is a real job", snorts Warren.

There is a flash of lightning as Warren is smote.

"….Todd Fan just spent all day in a hot laundry room, now is not the time to be making cracks about the job she has to have to pay student fees", says Pietro.

"Got it", squeaks Warren.

"So I'd kinda like te watch you work", says Rahne, watching smoke rise from Warrens wings.

"Fine", says Warren, "Sometime when I'm not busy"

"Sir, you're never not busy", points out Storm

"..Oh..All right", sighs Warren.

He sits at his desk, sorting through his mail and various paperwork, while Rahne sits in a huge chair, watching him with awe. Unfortunately, it makes Warren very uncomfortable, and after a few seconds, puts his papers down.

"Well, that's about it. Good-bye".

"Couldn't I watch just a few more minutes?", whines Rahne.

Warren sighs, looking helplessly at Storm, who merely grins

"..I hate that woman", mutters Warren.

We cut to where Warren is on the phone to Xavier, Rahne hanging on the back of his chair, still watching him, making him look behind him nervously from time to time.

"My assessment of the situation, Mr President?", he says, "Well, it's pretty darned bad out there"

"Darned?", Pietro blinks, "man ye olde language is odd"

"My factories, everybody's factories, are shutting down. Mr President, I know you're feeling pressure", Warren pauses, glancing at Rahne behind him, "I'm feeling pressure myself, at this very moment. You're coming to New York for the holidays?"

"Invite him for Christmas!", squeals Rahne.

"Why don't you and...Mrs Xavier spend Christmas with me and my new", Warren pauses, "...Rahne"

"…………There's a Mrs Xavier?", blinks Xavier.

"Mum ran away", says Lucas, "she said"

He pulls out a note from his pocket, reading it.

"Drop dead. Freak", he smiles, "isnae that nice?"

"……..I couldn't have a **normal** son, could I?", asks Xavier.

"You think mine **is** normal?", asks Magneto from backstage, "he played with dolls as a kid"

"**They were action figures**!", screams Pietro, "back to the parody!"

"Excellent!", grins Warren, putting the phone down, "He said yes!"

"That's wonderful news!", smiles Storm

"So the President of the United States is coming to your house for Christmas?", asks Rahne

"For Christmas dinner!", Warren pauses, "...I wonder what Democrats eat"

"Lets go out and celebrate with Rahne", says Storm, "We'll show her the town".

"Too much work, Ororo", says Warren

"That's okay, sir. I've never seen New York before", shrugs Rahne, "so I'm just as happy to watch you work".

Warren looks at her in surprise

"You're telling me you live in New York City, and you haven't seen the place?"

"..Miss Darkholme", starts Rahne

"She runs the orphanage", adds Storm

"Well...she never lets us kids out", says Rahne, "What's New York City like anyway?"

"Well, it's..Hmm...let me think. N.Y.C", Warren pauses, then rolls his eyes as he sings.

**What is it about you?**

**You're big**

**You're loud**

**You're tough**

Bobby glances over at Storm

"Will you be needing the car?", he asks

"The way **you** drive? Hah!", she says, "No, I think she's been cooped up long enough"

Warren has got out of his seat, and wanders to the edge of his desk, where there is an ornate snow-globe, with New York City in it.

**N-Y-C**

**I go years without you**

**Then I can't get enough**

He shakes the snow globe, sending snow flurries into it)

**&&&&&**

Big musical number on it's way! 


	9. A Scottish werewolf in NYC

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Well, hello to you, too. And need I remind that I am naked in the snow? I can't feel any of my extremities. And I do mean ANY of them"

**&&&&**

ACT 9 - A Scottish Werewolf in N.Y.C

**&&&&**

"And now to an act with that many changes in text to distinguish singers, you'll cry and get confused!", grins Pietro.

Warrens snow globe turns into the City itself, where he, Storm and Rahne are walking along the streets as the snow falls, as Warren sings.

**Enough of cab drivers answering back**

**In language far from pure**

Rahne grins, taking his hand

"Lookit me, girls", she shouts, "I'm holding Warren Worthington's hand!"

"Boooo!" hisses Rogue

"Not fair!", sneers Kitty

"Lucky little werewolf", sighs Dani

"...Boy, am I popular!", grins Warren.

**Enough of frankfurters answering back**

**Brother you know you're..**

Rahne runs off to a hot nut cart, as Storm sings her part.

_In N-Y-C_

_Too busy, too crazy_

Warren pays for a bag of hot nuts for Rahne

**Too hot, too cold**

**Too late, I'm sold**

**Again on N-Y-C**

We cut to a big ice-cream parlour, where Rahne has a HUGE ice cream, but is watching as Warren talks on the phone. Warren hold his hand out for a pen, and Storm puts a spoon there instead. Warren blinks as the spoon and sheepishly puts the phone down to eat his ice-cream. We then cut to them leaving a store, Warren laden with a huge bear and a bunch of pink balloons.

"..Where are my carrying people?", asks Warren, looking around.

_N-Y-C_

_The shadows at sundown_

_The roofs that scrape_

Warren hands Storm the bear and balloons, she hands a balloon to Rahne, who releases the balloon, letting it float upwards

_The sky_

We cut to Storm and Xavier having their feet being shined by Jamie clones, the last seat being taken by Jamie himself, Rahne shining his shoes instead

"Clean, clean, clean", chant the Jamie's in unison as Storm and Warren sing together.

_**N-Y-C**_

_**The rich and the rundown**_

_**The big parade**_

_**Goes by**_

Warren heads off to a newsstand, looking at the papers

**What other town has the Empire State**

**And a mayor five-foot-two**

He blinks as he is pelted in the back with a snowball by a giggling Rahne, retaliating by making one of his own

**No other town in the whole 48**

**Can half compare to you**

He tosses the snowball, instead clocking Agatha, dressed in fine clothes, as she gets out of a carriage. The three take off running, pausing outside a toy shop, which Rahne is too short to see over the crowd looking in through the window

_**N-Y-C**_

_You make 'em all postcards _

_**You crowd**_

_**You cramp**_

_**You're sill the champ**_

Rahne whispers to Warren who blinks and puts her on his shoulders

"The wings make this **very** uncomfortable", points out Rahne

_**Amen for N-Y-C**_

We cut to where they all head towards a Broadway show

_**The shimmer of Times Square**_

They struggle to cross the road

**The coast**

_The beat_

_**The drive**_

**_The city's bright as a penny arcade_**

_**It blinks**_

_**It tilts**_

_**It rings**_

We cut inside the show, as Rahne sings.

To think that I've lived here all of my life 

And never seen these things

The robotic dancers come on stage, doing their thing by filling the song bridge as they dance. After a whole lot of dancing, Kitty comes out through the middle, carrying to suitcases

"Here's a bizarre fact! The actor in the movie playing Kitty's role is, in fact, the original Annie!", says Pietro, "How cool is that!"

**N-Y-C**

**Just got here this morning**

**Three bucks**

**Two bags**

**One me**

**N-Y-C**

**I give you fair warning**

**Up there in lights**

**I'll be**

Kitty sits on her suitcase as the dancers still do their thing

**Go ask the Gershwins**

**Or Kaufman and Hart**

**The place they love the best**

**Though California pays big for their art**

**Their fan mail comes addressed**

**To N-Y-C**

**Tomorrow, a penthouse**

**That's way up high**

**Tonight, the 'Y'**

**Why not**

**It's N-Y-C**

After the show, Warren, Storm and Rahne head out of the theatre, all singing together.

**_N-Y-C_**

_**You're standing room only**_

_**You crowd**_

_**You cramp**_

_**You're still**_

_**The champ**_

They got onto a carriage drawn by, you guessed it, JOTT!

"Not again, that's **twice** we've been a NYC carriage horse now!", whines Stott

"I never thought I'd say this", says Jean, "but I'm getting tired of staring at your butt, Scott Summers!"

_**Amen**_

_**For **_

_**N**_

_**Y**_

_**C**_

Suddenly, Rahne stops the cart

"Geez, give us a break, we can't stop on a dime!", snaps Scott, "there's safety violations!"

"Sandy!", shouts Rahne

Lance is wandering around in the snow, sees Rahne and runs up into the cart with her

"Cold, feed me"., says Lance

"Who's this?", asks Warren

"An old pal", says Rahne, "can we keep him?"

"Yeah Warren", grins Lance, "can we keep me?"

"Sir, you always wanted a dog", says Storm

"Is that true?", grins Lance, "I'm a **great** dog! Bark bark. Feed me."

"What the heck", says Warren, "Driver!"

Jott carries on along it's way. We cut to them arriving at the Worthington manor, Rahne sleeping on Warren's shoulder

"She gets all the luck!", sighs Rogue.

**Give in**

**Don't fight**

**Good girl**

**Good night**

**Sleep tight**

**In N-Y-C**

The scene cuts back to the snow globe, which Rahne is cuddled up to as she sleeps in her big bed. In the morning, we go to Mystique's office, where Storm is smiling at her, Mystique **slams** her hands down on her desk.

"Just let me make sure I heard you right", she sneers, "Miss Personal Secretary to **the** Warren Worthington".

"Gee, kind of a step down from the title of 'Goddess', isn't it?", sighs Storm.

"My Rahne is going to be adopted by your millionaire?", asks Mystique

"Mine, yes all mine", says Storm, "Bwhahahahaha!"

"Storm...", says Pietro carefully.

"Ahem, I mean, actually, he's a **BILLIONAIRE**", says Storm, "And he's all mine!"

"Please stop doing that!", snaps Pietro, "you've already driven Forge to go get drunk in Copa".

"Awwww", says Mystique, "...which bar?"

"No you don't!", snaps Storm

"Well, you can't have them **both**!", sneers Mystique

"Ladies, lets fight over this **after** shooting", Pietro pauses and grins, "...unless you want to resolve your differences in a mud bath wearing bikinis".

"**NO**!"

"Can't blame a guy for trying", says Pietro with a shrug.

"And yes, he's going to tell her tonight", smiles Storm

"Well, ain't she the lucky one", says Mystique dryly.

Storm smiles, handing Mystique a paper

"Yes, well, if you'll just sign here", she says.

Mystique looks at the paper and pen

"Sure", she smiles, "Would you excuse me for just one moment, please?"

Mystique walks out of her office and into the hallway, out of sight. We can hear a very loud scream, before Mystique walks calmly back in. She smiles pleasantly and sits back at her desk

"Now, where were we?"

Storm pushes the paper and pen wordlessly to Mystique. We cut to outside, where Storm leaves the orphanage, getting into a car which drives away. Hiding behind a street corner are Kurt, wearing a pinstripe suit, and Tabby, who sneakily watch the car leave.

"It's because Alan Cumming played this character in this movie, isn't it?", asks Kurt.

"Hey, Todd Fan can't be blamed for that", grins Pietro, "it was a happy coincidence".

**&&&&&&**

Onwards! 


	10. It's all in the family

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: ''To Start Press Any Key''. Where's the ANY key?"

**&&&&&&**

ACT 10 - It's all in the family

**&&&&&&**

Kurt and Tabby walk to the orphanage door. Kurt opens the door, and seems to be about to let Tabby in, when he walks ahead himself, leaving her to let herself in

"...I'm having trouble not being a gentleman...", says Kurt.

"Well, we need to test the new evil potion for the Wild, Wild West re-write next", says Pietro.

"I think I can manage", squeaks Kurt..

Kurt swings open the door of Mystique's office with a grin

"Hey, sis", he pauses, "...vait, she's my mother, this is vrong"

"Shut up and play the part!", snaps Pietro, "you're related, it's good enough".

Mystique sighs, not happy at seeing her 'brother'

"Glad to see me?", grins Kurt

"Don't it show?", says Mystique dryly, "Did they let you out of prison this time or did you 'excape'?".

"I cut a deal vith the varden", says Kurt proudly.

"Nighty, you're the only con I know who can con a cop", she pauses, "...besides me, but lets not get into that".

"Thanks", he grins, "Hey, meet my new gal"

Tabby saunters into the room as Kurt struggles with her name

"Tabby...Tabby..."

"St.Regis", growls Tabby, "jerk"

"St.Regis", says Kurt, "sorry, my English is limited"

"You've been living here for years, you're no longer allowed to use that excuse", says Pietro.

"**Miss** Tabby St.Regis", says Tabby, "I'm named after the hotel".

"Oh, which floor?", smirks Mystique.

Tabby ignores this comment, looking around the office

"Oh, real nice place you got here", she smiles.

"Sure, every day I get down on my knees and pray, 'why me?'", mutters Mystique

"Gee, I don't know", shrugs Tabby, as Kurt and Mystique rolls their eyes in unison, "I hate being a dumb blonde!"

"Now, Tabby, Todd Fan is one of the few people out there who doesn't dislike you, she wants to give you a good role", says Pietro, "The fact you happen to look a lot like the character, plus had that fling with Kurt are the only reasons you have this role".

"Spill it, Nighty", says Mystique, "What do you want?"

"Me and Tabby was in the neighbour hood and...err", Kurt gives a sheepish grin, "...ten bucks to tide me over?"

"**TEN BUCKS**?", screams Mystique, "I ain't got ten cents! Get out and take the St.Regis here with you".

"Hey, wait a minute!", says Tabby.

"You mean, after all your crooked schemes, all you got is lint in your pockets", says Mystique.

"And fur", nods Kurt, "Ahem. Look who's talking"

"I'm doin' just fine, thank you!", snorts Mystique.

"Oh, no,...sis", Kurt shudders, "You're doin' like I'm doin'"

"Lousy", says Tabby

Kurt sits on Mystique's desk, turning her chair around to face him

"Ravey", Kurt pulls a face, "...that sounds vrong"

"Act now, monkey boy!", screams Pietro

"How come us Darkholmes (or Vagners)", he adds quietly, "ended up with the fuzzy end of the lollypop?"

"Ew", says Pietro.

"Vait, this first line is vrong", says Kurt, "considering that Mystique's mother is my grand..."

"This is the **last** time I ask you to shut up about that before I get the napalm on you", threatens Pietro.

"No more questions", squeaks Kurt.

**I remember the vay our sainted mother**

**Vould sit and croon us a lullaby**

Mystique nods, signing along.

_She'd say 'kids there's a place that's like no other_

_You gotta get there before you die'_

Kurt bamfs off the desk, landing on the other side of Mystique's chair

**You don't get there by playin' from the rule book**

"Uh-uh", says Mystique.

_You stack the aces_

**You load the dice**

They both stand, Kurt putting his hat to his chest, looking up, signing together.

_**Mother, dear, oh, we know you're..**_

They drop their gaze to the floor

_**Down there listenin'**_

_**How can we follow**_

_**Your sweet advice**_

_**To**_

Kurt puts his head back on his hat with the beat of the tune.

**Easy Steet**

**Easy Street**

He hops onto the desk, lying his head on Tabby's lap and putting the hat over his face

**Vhere ya sleep 'till noon**

Tabby purrs, stroking his fur asMystique rolls her eyes, taking the hat off him and dropping it back on his face.

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

Kurt jumps off the table and dances around it to the side again

**She'd repeat**

He holds his hand out, Mystique rolls her eyes, takes it and spins to the middle of the table, in-between him and Tabby

**Easy Street**

He and Mystique shuffle along the table, Tabby following them, being ignored

_**Better get there**_

_**Soon**_

"So, sis, vho vas the", Kurt grimaces again, "...ugh hot tomato in the fancy car?"

"Personal secretary to Warren Worthington", says Mystique

"**THE** Warren Worthington?", asks Tabby, "**THE** millionaire?"

"No, the **BILLIONAIRE**", corrects Mystique, "ya dumb hotel"

"Hey, you just...", starts Tabby

"Lives up on Fifth Avenue", says Mystique, ignoring her.

"Hey, Vorthington don't live on Fifth Avenue", says Kurt.

"He don't?", asks Mystique, ignoring the bad grammar.

"Where does he live?", asks Kurt

Kurt gives them a grin, causing them all to burst into song again.

_**Easy Street**_

_**Easy Street**_

_**Where the rich folks play**_

They dance around the office, climbing on furniture and whatnot

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, _sings Mystique

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sings Tabby

_**Move them feet**_

_Move them ever-lovin' feet_

Mystique pauses.

"….Okay then"

_**To Easy Street**_

_**When ya get there**_

_**When ya get there**_

_**When ya get there**_

_**Stay**_

"So, sis, vhat did the secretary vant?", asks Kurt.

"Tell me Worthington is going to adopt Rahne", snorts Mystique, "this rotten orphan I despise. Now the lousy kid's gonna have everything".

"It ain't fair!", whines Tabby.

"I know, it ain't fair!", snaps Mystique, as Kurt sings.

**It ain't fair how we scrounge for three or four bucks**

**While she gets Wothington..**

"Yes, I know it doesn't rhyme", says Pietro with a shrug, "too late now".

"The little brat", snaps Mystique, pushing Tabby off the table.

"….Oww", says Tabby.

_It ain't fair_

_This here life is driving me nuts_

_While we get peanuts_

_She's livin' fat_

Mystique crosses her arms and turns her back away to sulk, while Kurt grins an evil grin, him and Tabby peering over either of her shoulders

"Oooooh you're good at them", nods Pietro, "the demon look works for you!"

"Doesn't mean I vant it too", mutters Kurt.

**Maybe she hold the key**

**This little lady**

To gettin' more bucks

Mystique blinks, grinning

_Instead of less_

**Maybe ve fix the game vith soemthing..._shady_**

"...Where would that put us?", blinks Tabby, "ooooh Kurt, you give me chills"

"Aw tell her", says Mystique

"Give ya one guess", grins Kurt.

_**Ye-e-s!**_

_**Easy Street**_

_**Easy Street**_

_**Rahne is the key**_

The three grab their coats and boas, obviously not Kurt, and dance out into the street

"No fur fox scarf on **this** set", says Pietro, "Todd Fan's anti-fur!".

_Yes, siree_

**Yes, siree**

Yes, siree

All the New Yorkers carry on along their business, ignoring the three crazy people dancing wildly in the street

_**Easy Street**_

_**Easy Street**_

_**That's where we're gonna**_

_**Beeeeeeeee**_

They walks right into a bar across the road, besides two of them being minors and that Mystique should be in the orphanage, and sit down

**&&&&&&&&**

And there's another load of chapters down! Do review. Until next time...


	11. A mission

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "My favourite colour is chocolate"

**&&&&**

ACT 11 - A mission

**&&&&**

In Worthington manor, Storm walks over to Warren, handing him a little box

"Here you go, sir", she says

"For me?", Warren grins, "You shouldn't have!"

"...For the last time, it's not for you, Warren", sighs Pietro.

"..Sorry", says Warren sheepishly.

"Everything all right?", asks Storm

"Well...you know", says Warren, shuffling his wings nervously.

"You're gonna do fine, sir", says Storm, "Just tell her how you feel, and speak from your heart"

"He's gunnae propose to me!", squeals Rahne from backstage

"Wah?", blinks Warren.

"No, no he is not", says Pietro pointedly.

"I'll try", says Warren.

Rahne runs happily into the room

"Roberto said we could have a picnic right here!", she grins

"I'm sick of being the only reoccurring maid!", snaps Roberto.

"That sounds delightful. Errm" Warren clears his throat, "...Rahne, before we eat, there's something I want to ask you"

"**I DO**!", screams Rahne

"For the love of", Pietro groans, "...Warren is **not** marrying anyone!"

"Well, actually, at the end of the..", starts Warren

"Not yet!", snaps Pietro

"But first, did you know that I was an orphan?", asks Warren.

"No, you weren't", says Storm, "you have a nice rich family"

"For the purposes of the parody", says Pietro, "Warren is an orphan"

"No, sir", says Rahne.

"I lost my parents when I was very young", says Warren, "and, well, from that day on, I vowed to work very hard and become very rich"

"And that's just what he did", says Storm.

"Yes", say Storm and Warren in a creepy unison.

"But, Rahne", says Warren, "I..I..I never realised.."

Warren gives Storm a 'help me' look

"U..Until he met you...", says Storm

"Exactly. I mean", Warren pauses, "...what's life about...if you don't have anyone to share it with"

"Are ye **sure** he's not proposing to me?", asks Rahne.

"He isn't!", snaps Pietro.

"D..Do you follow me?", asks Warren.

"Sure", Rahne nods, then blinks, "..No, not really"

"Oh", Warren blinks, "..maybe this will explain it better"

He gets out the little box

"**I DO**!", screams Rahne

"I'm not proposing", says Warren, "not, not, not!"

Rahne opens the box to see a little locket inside, and deflates a little

"Poo", she says, "Oh, gee, thank you, sir"

"I noticed that old broken one you always wear", he says, "and I thought, off with the old, on with the new".

"**NO**! I don't want a new one!", snaps Rahne, "My mom and dad left me with this one and a note saying they'd come back for me someday. Mr Worthington, you've been real nice to me, but all I want is my parents"

"I understand. I do, child", sighs Warren, "If it's your parents you want, then I'll find them for you. But I'll need your locket and that note, so the F.B.I can trace them to your mother and dad"

Rahne looks uncomfortable at the thought of giving away her precious items

"Rahne, if Mr Worthington says he can find your parents, he will, even if he has to pull every string, right up to the President of the Untied States", says Storm, "…who is currently drinking brandy again"

"Viva Las Vegas!", sings Xavier, wheeling past them all and crashing into a pile of boxes, "**I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS**!...Oh….wait"

Rahne sighs, taking off her locket, then getting her note out of her pocket, handing them to Warren

"Thank ye, sir", she says.

"Rahne, we're going to find your parents", says Storm, "We are"

Rahne gives a small smile

"I think I'd like to write to the kids about this, okay?"

Storm and Warren nod, and Rahne runs off. Warren glances sadly at the locket and note in his hands. Storm goes to put a hand on his shoulder, but checks herself. Up in her room, Rahne is writing a letter, Lance sleeping next to her

"Zzzzzzz", snores Lance as Rahne begins to sing.

**Maybe now it's time**

**And maybe when I wake**

**They'll be there calling me baby**

**Maybe**

The scene cuts to where Warren is sitting in his big chair that only rich people seem to have in front of the fire, looking at the locket

**&&&&&**

Onwards! 


	12. A song and a scheme

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "For my last birthday, you gave me a hug"

**&&&&&**

ACT 12 - A song and a scheme

**&&&&&**

Over in the orphanage, a radio is playing...with Magneto singing)

"I take it back", says Magneto, "this is **worse** than being a narrator"

**But, brother**

**You're never fully dressed without a smile**

Wanda is looking out of the window, once the coast is clear, she whistles, as Magneto's singing debut continues, Rogue and Amara peek their heads out from behind a door upstairs. Dani appears out of a cloak closet, and Jubilee comes out of another door

"Ahh the lovely Boylan sisters", says Magneto, trying his very best to sound cheerful.

We can hear Destiny, Kitty and Gabrielle singing along, while X23 walks moodily out of her room, the other girls now surrounding the radio. Once the Boylan's stop singing, Magneto carries on with his programme.

"And so, Rahne", he says, getting a look of shock from the girls, "as we come to the end of another programme, we'd like to thank you"

"Thank you, Mr Lehnsherr", says Rahne

"It's Rahne on the radio!", says Wanda

"Who cares?", says X23, rolling her eyes.

"Shhh!", says Amara

"Don't you 'shhh' me!", snaps X23.

"And remember all out there", says Magneto, "Warren Worthington is offering fifty thousand dollars to the couple who can prove they are Rahne's parents"

The girls stare at the radio in shock

"Fifty thousand dollars!", repeats Rogue

"This is Eric Lehnsherr saying, smile, darn ya, smile", there is an ugh sound, "...I need a new job"

"Stop complaining, Pops", says Pietro.

X23 pushes Dani off the table and turns the radio off

"Good-night!", says X23

The girls start to have a yelling match over this

"That's my favourite!", whines Dani

"You're a bunch of saps", snaps X23, "Who cares if Rahne was on the radio?"

"I do!", says Dani

"Me too!", says Wanda, "I think it'd be fun to be on the radio….really, it's always been a dream of mine"

She gets some blank looks.

"What, I can beat people up but I can't want to be on the radio?", she asks with a sniff.

She picks up the telephone, speaking into it like a microphone, doing a very good impression of her father

"This is Eric Lehnsherr saying.."

**Hey, hobo man, hey, dapper Dan**

**Ya both got your style**

"…..That's slightly frightening", blinks Magneto as the girls join in.

_**But, brother**_

_**You're never fully dressed without a smile**_

Wanda grins, standing on the desk

**Your clothes may be**

**Beau Brummell-y**

**They stand out a mile**

_**But, brother**_

_**You're never fully dressed without a smile**_

X23 growls as Pietro jabs her with a long pole held at arms length.

"Fine, I'll sing!", she snaps.

Who cares what they're wearing

On Main Street or Savile Row

It's what you wear from ear to ear

X23 snatches the 'mic' from Wanda, pushing her off the desk to sing into it herself

And not from head to toe

Dani take the 'mic' herself to sing.

_That matters_

Wanda snatches the 'mic' again

"Ahh, the lovely Boylan sisters", she says.

Jubilee, Rogue and Amara begin to dance down the stairs, singing.

_**Do do do lo do do**_

_**Do do do lo do**_

_**Do do do do do do do**_

_**So Senator, so janitor**_

_**So long for a while**_

_**Remember you're never fully dressed without a smile**_

Wanda grabs a hat from a hat rack and she, and the other girls dance around

"Dance, Sis, dance!", giggles Pietro.

"I'll poke your eyes out!", snaps Wanda

"I don't even know **how** to dance", says X23, colliding with various objects.

Wanda jumps on the table to tap-dance with Dani before all the girls go back to the floor

_**Who cares what they're wearing**_

_**On Main Street or Savile Row**_

_**It's what you wear form ear to ear**_

Dani pushes herself to the front

_And not from head to toe_

The girls pull her back to the line

_**That matters**_

_**So Senator**_

_**So janitor**_

_**So long for a while**_

_**Remember you're never fully dressed**_

_**Though you may wear the best**_

_**You're never fully dressed**_

_**Without a smile**_

_**Smile, smile**_

_**Smile, baby, smile!**_

They giggle, gathering back to the radio when Mystique bursts in

"Do I hear happiness in here?", she snarls.

The girls instantly stop laughing

"I still see smiles", warns Mystique.

The girls get rid of their smiles

"You stink of booze, Mystique", says Pietro, wrinkling his nose

Shut up, you", hics Mystique, swaying slightly, "both of you. That's more like it"

"Miss Darkholme, Rahne was on the radio", says Dani

"They're sending out a search call for Rahne's parents", says Jubilee.

"And there's a fifty thousand dollar reward!", grins Wanda.

Mystique blinks

"Well, how do you like them apples?", she says, then blinks, "…apples?"

"Isn't it great?", says Wanda.

"Great", mutters Mystique, "Get to bed! Before I paddle ya!"

The girls scoot off out of the room, Rogue pauses at the door

"But what about our dinner?"

"What about it", asks Mystique

"And you claim you're not a lousy mom", mutters Rogue, "... You didn't give us any"

"'Cause I knew you were gonna be bad, so I punished ya ahead of time", says Mystique, "Now scatter!"

The girls rush out of the room, leaving Mystique to sit at her desk

"Fifty thousand dollar reward", she shakes her head, rooting around for more booze, "I hate that kid so much, I could be her mother"

As if on cue a blue furry elf with a pair of glasses and fake moustache on knocks on the door, entering the office quietly

"Excuse me", says 'Not Kurt'.

"If you're gonna rob the place, start by taking the orphans", says Mystique

"Actually, miss", says 'Not Kurt', "the wife and I..."

He gestured for a blonde also wearing a pair of glasses to come in

"Ve're Ralph and Shirley Mudge, by the vay", he says, "Ve vere looking for vhoever runs this place"

"You're looking at her, person who I really don't know", she shakes her head in disgust, "..and you call yourself the son of a shapeshifter"

"I'm don't shapeshift!", says 'Ralph', "Then, um, maybe you can help us. You see, about eleven years ago, we left our little baby here"

"She was a little boy", 'Shirley' blinks, "...I mean, girl. It's just so hard to tell when they have no hair, right, honey?"

"You mean, you're Rahne's parents?", asks Mystique, "...You non-Scottish people?"

"Yes", smiles 'Ralph'.

"I don't believe it", says Mystique, "surprisingly"

'Shirley' groans, taking off her hat, showing herself to be, in fact, Tabby. Big shock.

"I told ya she wouldn't believe us", she says

"Wait a minute", blinks Mystique, "Nighty!"

Kurt grins, taking off his fake moustache

"You gotta admit, Sis, ve fooled you, huh?", grins Kurt, "Kurt Vagner, Master of Disguise!"

Backstage, Pietro gives a snort.

"Right up until your girlfriend there opened her trap", says Mystique, "Nighty, you sure know how to pick 'em"

Tabby giggles, not picking up Mystique's sarcasm

"Don't he though?", she asks.

"Ravey, ve're gonna blow this town vith all the dough ve'll ever need", says Kurt, "I got a plan"

Mystique groans, getting out a bottle so whiskey and pouring it into three shot glasses

"I bet it's foolproof", she says dryly.

"One hundred percent", nods Kurt, "Ve're gonna fool Vorthington and grab those fifty G's"

"You and every other con artist this side of the Hudson", snorts Mystique.

"I think you've had enough to drink, Mystique", says Pietro.

"**I'll** decide when I've had enough to drink, damnit!", snaps Mystique.

"Yep, but those other cons ain't got an artiste vorkin' over in Brookyln, making fake birth certificates", grins Kurt

"..Keep talking", says Mystique

"And those other cons ain't got a moth", Kurt pauses, "..sister, vho knows all there is to know about the kid"

"Yeah, yeah I know all about Rahne", says Mystique, "I also know Miss St Regis here ain't got the brains for the job"

"**HEY**!", says Tabby.

"She makes one slip, and we all end up behind bars for life", says Mystique.

"Yeah, you're right", says Kurt, "Tabby's out"

Kurt pushes Tabby off the table

"Meep!", says Tabby

"Sorry!", winces Kurt

"And I'm in", says Mystique, "Sorry, sister".

"But..", blinks Tabby.

"Now, about the fifty grand", says Mystique, "Here's the split, half for me, half for you two"

"...Deal", says Kurt

Tabby stand up, pushing in between the pair

"Hey! Wait a gosh-darned minute!"

"You want to be cut out of the deal completely?", snaps Mystique

"Heck, no!", says Tabby

"Then stop whining!", says Mystique, then looks at Kurt, ""One last detail, Nighty"

"Shoot", says Kurt

"Rahne", says Mystique, "Once we got the kid, what do we do with her?"

Kurt takes a deep breath, then prepares for his evil line. He pulls out a switch blade and makes a cut-throat motion

"I make her.. disappear"

"Well done", says Pietro

"That vas very hard", says Kurt, "Then be head straight for.."

"Straight for where, Nighty?", blinks Tabby, "…as if we didn't already know"

**Easy Street**, sings Kurt, the others joining in.

_**Easy Street**_

_**That's where we're gonna**_

They clinks their glasses together, downing their drink

_**Beeeeeeeee**_

Kurt sticks his knife into the paper with Rahne's picture on it

&&&&&&&

Click on! 


	13. Fruitless search

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "They're sending an unmanned probe to Venus and letting a bunch of school children name it. That's gonna end badly"

**&&&&**

ACT 13 - Fruitless search

**&&&&**

We open up at Worthington manor, where many, many people are gathered at the gates to prove they are Rahne's parents. Storm, Roberto (still in maid uniform) and one of the robotic dancers look out of the door as it opens

"I hate this stupid, ugly dress!", sulks Roberto

"I think it brings out your eyes", smirks Pietro

"Choke and die", muttered Roberto.

"Well, let's hope for the best", says Storm.

Storm nods for the gates to be opened and the people swarm in, like something out of a horror movie

"Ahhh, I make a good out of control mob", smiles Pietro proudly.

"Ladies and gentlemen", says Storm, "please fill out your questionnaire truthfully.."

The crowd **MOB** Roberto as he holds out the papers

"Mother", squeaks Roberto, disappearing under the mob.

"And any specific details will be most helpful", adds Storm, grimacing.

A while later, in Warren's office, Storm tears a letter, putting it with a pile in a similar condition

"This helps with my stress", she says, "Sir, I think every liar, thief and crackpot showed up on our doorstep today"

"..Then we must have my doorstep cleaned", mutters Warren to himself.

"So many sob stories, but nobody mentioned giving Rahne the locket", sighs Storm

Rahne runs happily into the office

"Did they show up yet?", she asks excitedly.

"It appears that everyone who claims they were your parents are fakes", says Warren.

"Oh, well", Rahne sighs, "I'm sure my real parents'll show up Maybe they missed their train or got lost or something"

Bobby walks in, carrying a letter on a tray

"And to think, I have to wrestle **my** letters out of the letterbox", he mutters, "Sir, this just arrived via special messenger from the F.B.I"

Warren nods, taking it

"Good, the information about Rahne's locket"

Warren opens it, reading it

"Between 1918 and 1924, 90,000 of Rahne's type of locket were made and sold", he sighs, "The F.B.I says it's impossible to trace your parents through it. I'm so, so very sorry"

He hands her the letter and Rahne looks at it sadly

"Drake, let's you and I check on the Christmas menu", says Storm, leading Bobby away.

"….Will Kitty cook it?", asks Bobby dubiously.

They both leave as Rahne sits in Warren millionaire chair, looking over the letter

"Ye did the best ye could, sir", says Rahne, "Thank ye for all you've done. You know, I guess a kid can do okay without parents. Looks like you got everything **ye** wanted"

"I want my hair back", sulks Warren, "I'm not getting **that** anytime soon"

"Warren, don't ruin the tender moment!", snaps Pietro, cracking a whip, "Now sing your solo!"

"I'm afraid that isn't so, Rahne", says Warren, dodging the whip

**I've made me a fortune**

**That fortune made ten**

**Been headlined and profiled**

**Again and again**

**But something was missing**

**I never quite knew**

**That something was someone**

**But who**

"A wife?", tries Rahne, "I'll still marry ye, ye know"

"…Thank a lot, Rahne", says Sam, backstage

"Stopit!", snaps Pietro, whip cracking Warren again, "this is fun!"

**My speeches are greeted**

**With thunderous acclaim**

**At two universities**

**Bearing my name**

**Yes, something was missing**

**Each time I got through**

**That something was someone**

**But who**

"I dunnae know", says Rahne moddily, "why're ye askin' me?"

**Who could that someone be**

**How could she make it known**

**Who would need me for me**

**Need me for me alone**

He holds out his hands and he and Rahne waltz around the room

"I'm dancing with Warren", giggles Rahne, "**hah**!"

They eventually dance out into the main hall, where they stop

"Rahne", says Warren, "I love you.."

"**YES**!", shouts Rahne, punching the air

"He hasn't finished...", says Pietro.

"..**AS** I was saying", says Warren, "I love you as if you were my own little girl"

"Aww, crap!", says Rahne, "Well, that's still one up from the others!"

"I want to adopt you", says Warren, "Would you consider it?"

"Heck, yeah!", grins Rahne

"Proper lines, Rahne", says Pietro, massaging his temples.

"It's just that", Rahne sighs, "...I love my real mother and father so much. I don't know if I could love anybody else".

"I understand", says Warren, "but if you could find a place in your heart for me..."

"This girl is an **idiot**!", snaps Rahne, "heloooo, Billionaire or stinky old orphanage? I know which one I'd pick!"

**The world was my oyster**

**But where was the pearl**

**Who dreamed I would find it**

**In one little girl**

**Yes, something was missing**

**But dreams do come true**

**That something**

**Is no one**

**But you**

"Mr Worthington, if I cannae have my real parents", says Rahne seriously, "I think I'd really like it if you'd be my lover"

"Oh that's….", Warren blinks, "pardon?"

"**RAHNE**!", snaps Pietro.

"Oh, fine", snaps Rahne, "father!"

She gives Warren a hug

"That was beautiful", sighs Pietro, "...slightly twisted by teenage hormones, but still beautiful"

**&&&&&&**

On ho! 


	14. Party interrupted

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "The justice system works swiftly in the future now that they've abolished all lawyers".

**&&&&&**

ACT 14 - Party interrupted

**&&&&&&**

After their hug, Warren grins, calling for Storm

"I have an idea", he says, "Ororo!"

Storm mutters, running down the stairs

"Yes, Mr Worthington", she says, "is everything all right?"

"Couldn't be better!", grins Warren, "Telephone Justice Marko and ask him to come over to sign the adoption papers"

"Oh! That's wonderfull news!", Storm hugs Rahne, "Oh, Mr Worthington, that's wonderfull ne.."

She hugs him before coughing, pulling away, flustered

"Grrrrr", growls Rahne.

"Um, when shall I tell the judge to come?", asks Storm

"Well, Ororo, it's Christmas Eve", says Warren, "Let's have the adoption tonight and have a big party as well"

He laughs, spinning Rahne around on the floor a bit

"..Dizzy", blinks Rahne

"Tell Roberto to order in flowers, champagne, caviar...", he says

"And ice cream and roasted corn?", asks Rahne

"Did you hear the little lady?", grins Warren, "Ice cream and roasted corn and all the Christmas decorations left in the city of New York".

"Yes, sir", says Storm

"And Ororo, please extend our invitation to everyone in the house", nods Warren

"I cannae believe I'm saying this", mutters Rahne

"Your Warren's child-to-be", says Pietro, "not his love interest, get over it!"

"Miss Ororo, will you be there too?", she asks, "'Cause it's really nice when ye both together"

Both adults look slightly flustered, as there is a crash from the technical room.

"Ororo, will you join us?", asks Warren, blinking as the lights flicker.

"Well, I'd be honoured", says Storm

"Wonderful", says Warren, "Let's get ready"

"I'll take care of everything!", says Storm

We see the random characters and dancer servants going about putting up decorations. Roberto walks by with a huge fruity thingie

"This dress will **BURN**!", snarls Roberto.

Lance follows behind Kelly the maid, who gives him a piece of ham from his tray

"Now go away", says Kelly

"Cool, free meat!", grins Lance

We go back to maid Roberto, whom this film appears to love, as he puts the finishing touches to a gingerbread house...he casually tears the head off a gingerbread Pietro and eats the head.

"...Maybe I shouldn't have made him wear that little apron too...", blinks Pietro.

Bobby walks over to the Christmas tree, turning on the lights

"Mr Worthington, the house is ready", says Bobby.

Warren walks onto the top of the staircase to view the main hall

"Drake, it's never looked better!", he says, "You've **really** outdone yourself this time"

"Thank you, sir", smiles Bobby

"Hey, he did squat!", snaps Todd, "We did all the work, all he did was turn on the lights!"

"Rahne!", calls Warren, "Are you ready?"

Rahne runs down the stairs wearing a little red dress, Lance running beside her, with a red bow around his neck

"Oh, Lance, that bow is **SO** becoming!", giggles Pietro.

"I hope you get a really lousy part in the next parody!", growls Lance

"Leaping lizards!", says Rahne, "Just look at this joint!"

"Leaping lizards...okey dokey", says Pietro, "we just got one to top the applesauce comment"

Rahne runs over to stand in front of Warren

"You know what, Rahne?", says Warren.

"What?", says Rahne

"I think I'm the luckiest man in the world", laughs Warren

"No duh", says Pietro, "did the piles of money give it away?"

"And I think I'm the luckiest kid", she says, giving him a hug as they sing.

_**Together at last**_

_**Together forever**_

They tie their pinkies fingers together, one on top of the other

_**We're tying a knot**_

_**They never can sever**_

She does a little pirouette in his arms as Warren sings

**I don't need sunshine now to turn my skies to blue**

_**I don't need anything but you**_

As they walk, Rahne runs behind him to change the hand she was holding

**You've wrapped me around**

**That cute little finger**

**You've made life a song**

**You've made me the singer**

Rahne sits on top to the piano, singing.

_And what's that battle tune you always _

_Ba, ba, boom_

Warren also jumps up to sit on the surprisingly strong piano

**Ba, ba, ba anything but you**

They both put their chins in their hands with mock sad faces

_Yesterday was plain awful_

**You can say that again**

_Yesterday was plain awful_

**But that's**

_Not now_

_**That's then**_

They go back to walking around the hall

_I'm poor as a mouse_

**I'm richer than Midas**

She jumps on his feet to dance on his shoes

"..Heavy", squeaks Warren

_**But nothing on Earth**_

_**Could ever divide us**_

_**And if tomorrow I'm an apple seller too**_

_**I don't need anything but you**_

They do the sad expression thing again, this time running their arms along a table

_Yesterday was plain awful_

**You can say that again**

_Yesterday was plain awful_

**But that's**

_Not now_

_**That's then**_

They jump onto the shiney table to tap dance on it

"What jumpy people you two are today", comments Pietro, "did someone put something in the coffee?"

_**We're two of a kind**_

_**The happiest pair now**_

_**Like Fred and Adele**_

_**We're floating on air now**_

_**And what's the title of the dream that's just come true**_

**I don't need anything**

_Anything_

_**Anything**_

_**I don't need anything**_

_**But yooooooou**_

They run up to collapse on top of the stairs

"Dear Gods, I think I killed them!", screams Pietro.

"Ororo!", calls Warren.

"Oh, no I didn't", says Pietro with a sigh of relief.

"Yes, sir?", asks Storm, walking through in a beautiful purple dress.

"The house is all spiffed up. Looks like we're ready. That's a very pretty dress you're wearing", Warren blinks, "...and you look very pretty in it"

"Look all you like, but no touchies!", mutters Forge

"Sush!", snaps Storm, "Thank you for noticing, sir"

Bobby walks in, followed by Juggernaught, a **JUDGE**!

"Justice Marko", says Bobby.

"Marko!", grins Warren, keeping a safe distance, "So happy you could make it on such short notice"

"This little suit is chafing me", says Cain, "Happy to be here to preside over this momentous occasion"

"And this is Rahne", says Warren

Cain smiles, shaking Rahne's hand

"Oh, how nice to meet you", smiles Cain, "Well, Warren, Rahne, I'm ready to begin if you are"

"I'm ready, Judge", says Warren

"Me too", says Rahne

"Woof", says Lance

"I guess it's unanimous", laughs Cain

"Lousy rotten dog body", mutters Lance

"Shall we begin?", asks Cain

Bobby comes back in

"Sir? Sir, before you start...may I present", Bobby grimaces, "...the Mudges"

"Now **that's** a nasty surname", says Pietro.

The doors open and a disguised Mystique and Kurt walk in, gasping when they see Rahne

"There she is", says 'Ralph'

"..Eww.", says Rahne, "..who are you?"

"We're your mommy and daddy", says 'Shirley'

"…I'm inbred and blue?", asks Rahne, blinking

Lance suddenly begins barking and growling, Rahne grabs his little bow

"Mind your manners!", she chides

"For the love of God, can't you see who it is!", asks Lance.

"We're Ralph and Shirley Mudge", says 'Ralph'.

"Ain't she cute..Ralphie?", asks 'Shirely'.

"I'm going to need counselling after this", says 'Ralph', "Oh, she's a regular doll"

"Rahne...Mudge?", Warren blinks.

Lance growls a bit more

"Sandy! Shh!", says Rahne, "Be polite!"

"Any 'politeness' went when you gave me this stupid bow", growls Lance.

"Drake, please", says Warren

Bobby drags Lance away

"I'm calling my lawyer!", shouts Lance

"Perhaps we should discuss this privately?", asks Warren.

**&&&&&&**

Onwards! 


	15. Bittersweet

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "What's wrong with giving up?... and just think of the time you save!"

**&&&&&**

ACT 15 - Bittersweet

**&&&&&**

We open in Warren's office where he, Storm and Rahne are listening to 'The Mudges'

"Well, we was kids and poor and sick...", begins 'Shirley'.

"And dumb to leave you", adds 'Ralph'.

"But we had no choice", says 'Shirley'.

"You see, a nice man in Canada offered us a job on a farm", smiles 'Shirley'

"Logan?", asks Pietro.

"No", says 'Ralph'.

"No babies allowed", sighs 'Shirley'.

"..You **sure** it's not Logan?", asks Pietro, "No babies **IS** a rule he'd make"

"So, we had to leave you for a little while", says 'Shirley'.

"Eleven years is more than a little while", says Warren.

"Mr and Mrs Mudge", says Storm, "yours is a touching story, but..."

"But I suppose you'd like to see some I.D", says 'Ralph', pulling some papers out of his pocket, "Vell, here's our driver's licenses, and, um, Rahne's birth certificate"

Storm hands the papers to Warren

"Appears to be in order", says Warren, "Born: New York, October 28, 1922"

"That's my birthday", says Rahne

"Those are the dates in Rahne's note", sighs Storm

"Yes, but I'm still not sure", says Warren

'Shirley' gives 'Ralph' a glare)

"Finally, ve saved up enough money to come looking for our little girl", smiles 'Ralph'.

"We got into town and we went straight to where we left our little baby. And the very nice", 'Shirley' coughs, "...and very attractive lady at the orphanage said we'd find Rahne here".

"We are talking about the same lady?", blinks Storm

"...Yes", says 'Shirley', her eye twitching.

"I still can't believe ve found our baby", says 'Ralph'.

"Me either", says 'Shirley'

They both start to sob

"Mr and Mrs Mudge", says Storm, "there is one more thing"

"Oh! You know, with all the thievin' that goes on in orphanages, I bet you don't have what we left you with all those years ago", says 'Shirley'.

"You vouldn't happen to have the other half of this, vould you?", asks 'Ralph'.

He holds out half of a locket. Rahne blinks at it before pulling her locket out from under her dress.

"Look, Ralphie!", gasps 'Shirley', "She's wearing it!"

"The locket", says Warren.

'Ralph' lies his half over Rahne's his being a bit smaller, he shows it to Warren for a split second before taking it back

"Perfect fit", he says, "so, if you just get Rahne's things, ve'll be on our vay"

The pair start to leave, taking Rahne with them

"Mr Mudge", says Warren, making them pause, "What about the money?"

"Oh, of course. You'll be vanting something for having taken care of her. Vell, ve ain't got much, but..here", 'Ralph', pulls a dollar bill out of his pocket and puts it on the table in front of Warren.

"Funny, considering they had no money", says Pietro.

"You didn't know that Mr Worthington was offering a fifty thousand dollar reward for the couple who can prove they're Rahne's parents?", asks Storm.

The pair try to look surprised

"He is?", gasps 'Ralph'.

"Well, we sure don't want no money. Just...we want our little girl. Come on", 'Shirley' grimaces, "...pa".

They start to leave, before stopping just before the door

"On the other hand", says 'Ralph', "with fifty thousand dollars, ve could afford to bring Rahne up right. In what form might this money be?"

"Certified check", says Warren, "You can pick it up tomorrow, with Rahne"

They both blink

"Tomorrow?", they ask in their normal voices.

"I'd like Rahne to spend Christmas morning with us", says Warren, "If that suits you?"

"Oh, yes, please", says Rahne.

Rahne stretches out her hand, taking Warrens while 'Shirley' keeps a good hold of the other, so the poor girl is stretched, 'Ralph' comes and yanks 'Shirley's' hand off Rahne

"Ve've lived vithout her for eleven years", says 'Ralph', "I guess one more night vouldn't hurt. Come on, Shirley"

"Wait!", cries 'Shirley', "I just want one more look at my sweet angel! She's a dream, a dream!"

'Ralph' forcibly pushes 'Shirley' out of the door. When they have gone, Rahne looks sadly at Warren

"Come on, let's join the rest of the guests", sighs Warren, "Tell them your wonderful news"

They go to the main hall, where they stand on the top of the stairs. Warren prepares to make a speech, holding a champagne fluke

"Everyone, Rahne had finally found her parents", he says, "Here's to Rahne Mudge"

"To Rahne Mudge", they all say.

Everyone holds up their glasses, Rahne sniffs, before running up to her room. Storm heads off after her, finding Rahne crying by her window

"Awwww poor kid", she says.

**Silly to cry**

**Nothing to fear**

**Betcha where they live's as nice as right here**

**Betcha your life is gonna be swell**

**Lookin' at them**

**It's easy to tell**

Storm sits next to her

"Arggghhh it's a weather pun!", screams Storm.

"Tee hee", giggles Pietro, "Sing it!"

"Damn!", snaps Storm.

**The sun'll come out tomorrow**

**Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow**

**There'll be sun**

**Just thinkin' about tomorrow**

**Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow**

**'Till there's none**

Rahne looks at her, before going back to crying

**When you're stuck with a day**

**That's grey and lonely**

**You just stick out your chin and grin**

**And saaaaaaay**

**The sun'll come out tomorrow**

**So you gotta hang on 'till tomorrow**

**Come what maaaay**

She pulls Rahne into a hug, wiping away her tears

**Tomorrow, tomorrow**

**I love ya tomorrow**

**You're only a day**

**Away**

We close on Storm giving her a hug

"This is nice", smiles Storm, "I like the motherly thing"

"….I'm hiding now", says Forge.

"Just **one** more?", asks Storm, "please?" (1)

"No!"

"..Yeah, anyway", blinks Pietro.

**&&&&&&**

(1) – Shameless Plug for the Sidney Chronicles. Forge and Storm are married and have a kid.

Onwards, to the last chapter! 


	16. Goodbye may seem forever

Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Fate is what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over"

**&&&&&**

ACT 16 - Goodbye may seem forever

**&&&&&**

We open on Christmas morning, where Kurt and Mystique leave the orphanage, in their disguise, being followed by Tabby

"Aww, come on", says Tabby, "why can't I go with youse guys?"

"'Cause you can't leave children all alone, that's why!", snaps Mystique.

"Hi pot, this is kettle", says Pietro, "you're black!"

"Huh! Since vhen did you care about those little tykes?", asks Kurt, "Or the son you **THREW INTO A RIVER?**!"

"Don't start!", snaps Mystique, "It's Christmas. My heart is full of glad tidings of great joy. Now lets go and get that raggedy Rahne"

"Catch you later, baby doll", smiles Kurt.

They drive off, leaving Tabby at the orphanage

"But I..I", Tabby whimpers, "I ain't the motherly type!"

We go to the Worthington manor, Rahne comes into the main hall, all dressed ready to leave with Lance following her, bowless

"Phew", says Lance

Warren and Storm walk through into the room, wearing the same thing they had on the night before

o0, says Forge.

"Bow chica...", grins Pietro.

"It's not what you think", says Warren, "besides it's a PG fic!"

"Merry Christmas, Rahne", smiles Warren

"Merry Kwanza, Rahne", smiles Storm

"Oy", says Pietro

"Merry Christmas", grins Rahne

"Did you look under the tree to see if Santa left you anything?", asks Warren

"...No, he brought me my parents. That's plenty", sighs Rahne, "Think they'll let me keep Sandy? and let me come visit you and Miss Ororo?"

Storm and Warren go to sit with her on the stairs

"Yes, of course they will", says Warren

"You look like you didn't get any sleep", says Rahne

"Oh, yes, well, we've been talking with the president and working with the F.B.I all through the night", he says sadly, "and they haven't turned up anything suspicious, so..."

"I'm really a Mudge?", Rahne asks, deflated, "Rahne Mudge?"

Suddenly, 'Ralph' and 'Shirley' walk in

"Vhere's our little Christmas present?", asks 'Ralph', "Ve know she's here somewhere"

"Mr and Mrs Mudge", says Bobby.

Lance runs up to them, barking, Mystique hides away, just as Rahne catches him in time

"Lemmie at 'em, lemmie at 'em!", barks Lance

"You will let me keep him, won't you?", asks Rahne

"Why...of course", says 'Shirley' as Lance snarls at her, "The only thing I love more than little girls is little dogs Don't I, Ralphie?"

"…They say dogs can sense evil", says 'Ralph', "I think they're right"

'Ralph' picks up Lance

"Geez, could you loose a few pounds, Lance!", he gasps.

"I'm carrying a little holiday weight", snaps Lance, "sue me!"

"Well, we'd better be on our way with our little Rahne", says 'Shirley'.

"And our little check", grins 'Ralph'.

"So soon?", asks Storm, "Rahne hasn't even opened her presents yet"

"Sorry, we ain't got time", says 'Shirely'.

They pull Rahne with them, 'Shirley' grabbing her suitcase)

"Very well", says Warren, "If you'll come this way, we'll prepare the check"

We cut to the orphanage, where Tabby is playing the girls at cards..and losing

"Darn! Lost again", she snaps, "Gosh, you sure you girls never played poker before"?

"Beginers luck", grins X23, "How much she owe us?"

"Four hundred and seventy nine dollars and thrity nine cents", grins Rogue.

Tabby stands up

"**WHAT**! Where am I gonna get that kind of loot?", she snaps, then pauses, smiling, "Hey, why am I worryin'? I'll be rollin' in it when Nighty and Darkholme get back form the Worthington's".

"That's where Rhane is!", says Dani

Tabby pauses from fixing her make up

"Doh", says Pietro.

"Oops", says Tabby.

The girls surround her

"What's goin' on?", growls X23, "Spill the beans"

"Nuh-uh!", says Tabby, "My lipstick is sealed!"

Wanda waves Tabby's purse from her place on the table

"Yeah, but your purse ain't!"

The girls laugh, tossing the purse around as Tabby tries to grab it

"Hey, give that back right now!", she snaps.

"Yeah, I'm sure the cops'll be very interested in your fake I.D's, grins Wanda, dangling said ID's, then runs as Tabby makes a dive for her.

"You watch it:", snaps Tabby, "Get out of my way! I want those back right now!"

The girls surround her, so she's pinned to a wall

"Fess up", snarls X23.

Tabby. Breaks

"Okay, okay! Nighty and Darkholme are pretending to be Rahne's parents for the reward money", she says, "And when they get back, I'll be sittin' large and livin' pretty"

Tabby moves to sit by the table

"What makes you so sure they'll be comin' back?", asks X23.

"Because I'm Nighty's dame. He'd never let me take the rap and spend three months on Rikers Island", Tabby pauses, her smile faltering, "Again"

We cut to Warren's office, where Storm hands Warren a check

"Sir, the Mudges' certified check for fifty thousand dollars", says Storm

'Ralph' snatches the check from Warren

"Well, nice meeting you all", smiles 'Ralph'.

"We'd better get", says 'Shirley'.

"Cheerio. Toodle-oo", grins 'Ralph', "Ta-ta. See you in church"

They start to laugh, backing to the door

"...Aren't you forgetting something?", asks Storm.

They stop, blinking at each other before realising they'd left Rahne behind.

"Oh, how silly of us", says 'Shirley', "We've been childless for so long, it's gonna take some getting used to. Come on precious, so sweet"

"Come on Rahne", says 'Ralph'.

"..I feel so loved already", says Rahne dryly.

They go back, taking her , one hand in each of theirs, heading briskly for the door. They walk quickly out, past all the staff. Suddenly, Tabby barges through the main door, dragging Bobby behind her

"Help, a crazy lady is breaking in!", screams Bobby

"You messed with the wrong dame!", snaps Tabby

"What are you doing here, Tabby?", asks Kurt.

"Making sure I get my piece of the cak", smirks Tabby, "I want my moolah!"

"Out of my way!", shouts Mystique

She runs past Tabby, ehading for the door, only to be blocked by the girls as they enter

"We love you, Miss Darkholme!", they sneer in unison.

"Run for it, Ravey!", says Kurt, "…vhy can't I just teleport?"

"Because it's cheating", says Pietro.

Rahne blinks in shock as they run

"In the name of the United States government, I command you to halt!", says a disembodied voice.

Kurt and Mystique stop in front of a bunch of suited men

"Who do you think you are, the president?", asks Mystique.

The men move back for Xavier to wheel forward in a wooden chair

"Tee hee", giggles Xavier.

"Oh, geez, it's the president", says Kurt.

"Yeah, I am!. Well, if it isn't the Mudges. Or should I say..", Xavier takes a paper out of his pocket, reading it, "Miss Raven Darkholme and Kurt Wagner Darkholme, also known at 'Nighty' Darkholme, also known as 'Kurty the Dip'".

"Kurty the Dip", chuckles Pietro, "looks like someone has a new nickname"

"Shut up", growls Kurt.

Tabby pushes forwards

"Also known as 'The jig is up, Nighty'", she says.

"Tabby St Regis", continues Xavier, "also known as Miss Sadie Aloqonquin, also known as 'Phyllis the Flicher'"

"Heh heh", says Pietro, "...Phyllis"

"Also known as, 'You loused up big, Tabby'", snaps Kurt.

Men walk forward, handcuffing the pair

"Well, it ain't Easy Street", she says, "but at least I'm wearing silver!"

"Don't that hotel of yours ever shur it's doors!", asks Kurt.

The pair are pulled away, leaving Mystique

"Uh, it was his idea. He made me do it", she says, "Rahne. Rahne, tell these people how good I always been to ya, huh?"

"Miss Darkholme, I would, but the one thing you always taught me was:", she smiles sweetly, taking the check from Mystique, "Never tell a lie"

Mystique growls, removing her disguise, heading towards Rahne, who backs away, Mystique following

"Brat! I'll let you in on a little secret. I never liked you. Never!", she snaps, "You're nothing but a rotten gold digger. I've always been so good to ya, and this is what I get, huh? You drove me to this!"

She laughs manically, running around the room

"Hey, we pushed another cast member over the brink of sanity", says Pietro, "go us"

**I'm headed straight for the nuthouse**

**With all the nuts and the squirrels**

She is grabbed by more men, and tied to a trolley

**There I'll stay, tucked away 'till the prohibition of**

**Liiiiiiiitllleeeee**

**Giiiiiirrrrrrllllsss!**

The girls cheer as the three villains are dragged off

"Miss Darkholme's gone forever!", says Rahne

"Rahne", says Xavier, "I also have some important news for you"

He hands Warren a piece of paper, shaking his hand before folding his own hands in front of him

"Ahh another reason for the casting choice", smiles Pietro.

"I'm president", says Xavier, "A better one than Remy, I may add!"

"SHAMELESS PLUG!", shouts Pietro, "and that one hasn't even been re-written yet"

"The F.B.I were finally able to trace the handwriting on that note of yours to a David and Margaret Bennett", says Xavier.

"You mean the Bennetts are my real parents?", asks Rahne, "Where are they?"

Xavier looks uneasily at Warren

"Rahne, I'm sorry, it seems they passed away some time ago", says Warren

"So, I really **am** an orphan", asks Rahne.

Rahne sighs, sadly going to the stairs, Storm follows her

"Rahne, are you alright?", asks Storm

"Yeah. I think so", she says, "See, I always knew my parents loved me and they'd come back for me, if they were alive"

Storm gives her a hug

"I guess you have to look at the bright side", she smirks, "At least I'm not a Mudge"

The cast laugh as Warren walks over to them

"I hope this is the start of a wonderful new life for all of us", says Warren.

"And I'll see to it that each and every one of you will be adopted by a fine, upstanding family", says Xavier, to the girls, who cheer, hugging him, "Meep"

"And Rahne picked out Christmas presents for all of you", says Storm, "and they're waiting underneath the Christmas tree"

The girls cheer, going to attack the presents

"I don't understand this 'present' lark", says X23, "but...**GET OUT OF THE WAY, THEY'RE ALL MINE**!"

"Ororo", says Warren, "When I talk about a new life for all of us...I do mean **all** of us"

"Yey, I finally get to live my dream of marrying a billionaire", smiles Storm

"...You're going down, Wing-Boy", growls Forge

Storm blushes, holding his hand, while Warren looks at Rahne

"And if you'd still like to be Rahne Bennett-Worthington..."

"I'd like that more than anything", smiles Rahne

"I love you very much, Rahne", says Warren

"And I love you too", Rahne sighs defeated, "..Daddy Worthington"

They go to hug

"So beautiful", sighs Pietro, "singing!"

**Together at last, **sings Warren

_Together forever, _sings Rahne

They do the pinkie thing

**We're tying a knot**

**They never can sever**

_**I don't need sunshine now to turn my skies to blue**_

He hands Rahne a little box, which she opens, seeing the new locket

_**I don't need anything but you**_

Storm smiles, walking over to put her locket around Rahne's neck, singing.

You've wrapped me around

That cute little finger

Warren smiles, walking behind her and holding out a little box

**You've made life a song**

You've made me the singer

**And what's the title of the dream that's just come true**

Warren takes out the ring, putting it on her finger

"Oooooh it's bigger than my other one", smiles Storm

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not a millionare", Forge pauses, "...hey, wait...where'd my one go?"

"Errr.", Storm blinks, "...keep on singing!"

**I don't need anything**

Storm gives him a hug

"Hug?", asks Storm, "That's it?"

"Humph", says Forge, tapping his foot.

"...A hug is fine", grumbles Storm.

Anything

Forge gives Rahne a nudge, pushing her between them

"I'm not ye pawn!", snaps Rahne

_Anything_

_**I don't need anything**_

_**But yooooooooouuuuuuu**_

We close on the hall, where everyone is happy and joyful

"Whoot", grins Pietro, "well, I think it's safe to say that Kurt will need therapy after pretending to be his mothers brother **and** husband. Lance is going to go though another identity crisis, and we've probably pushed Forge and Storm to see a marriage councillor. All in a good parodies work! Now, how do I get out of this hellhole?"

**&&&&&&**

Woot, another is up, there's only one parody left to be re-written, and the first half of that has to be done form scratch, so it may take a while. Do review. Until next time….


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